I'd like to take a minute to point out a few reasons why I am not date-able.
- I am deceptive. When the guy first meets me I'm awesome. I'm the awesome Mackenzie. The fun, cool, happy, crazy Mackenzie! The one that everybody loves! I lure him in. He falls for me and then HA. Gotcha! Suckaaaa! You fell for the awesome me, not the real me. Because the real me sucks. And now you're really in for it.
- I am emotional. Not in a "I'm going to cry over ripping a hole in my favorite pair of yellow polka dot unicorn socks!!!" No. I am emotional in a different, unique way. I have a lot of emotions. I'm not bi-polar but my highs and lows are significantly higher and lower than normal peoples. So, if he makes me happy.. watch out because I'm going to be skipping and dancing and crying happy tears and singing and kissing and running around like a maniac. Then he'll make me sad and I'll be depressed, on my death bed depressed. Sometimes I even get depressed for no reason. Oh and don't make me mad boy-that-likes-me because I get mean. Me angry is bad. I fight like crazy and freak out all over the place. I'm just an emotional little thing.
- I get jealous. Ohhhh, do I get jealous. "Boy! You didn't talk to me at all last night! You were with your girl friends..? Oh. They're prettier than me. They're nicer than me. You like them, not me! It's over! *sob!*" All it takes it seeing the boy talk more with another girl or spend more time with another girl or even mention the other girl in passing in a way that suggests that he thinks she's just the greatest thing ever and I'm a loser! ... see? I made myself jealous. Some of this stems from my over-flowing self-confidence but severe lack of confidence in how others see me. I know I'm super. Haha, heck yes I am. But I don't believe others could see that. {I'm working on it.} Soooo, I have bad jealousy problems.
- I need a lot. I need words, I need hugs, I need visits. A lot. I'm so needy. I question the guys feelings all the time and need near-constant reassurance that he does like/love me, he does want me, he isn't over me, she isn't anything more than a friend, he does want to see me, etc, etc, etc until he gets fed up. I'm needy.
- I fear commitment. Even dating is a scary commitment for me. Marriage.. well that's out of the question. Now, what kind of a guy is going to want to date a girl that is always trying to back out because she's so scared?? Rhetorical question, the answer is that there is no guy that would want that. Besides, the only guys I can date soon will just be wanting to get hitched, stupid RMs.. so they're really not going to want to date a chick like me.
I'm just not a date-able gal. It's unfortunate because I LOVE being in relationships and LOVE being in love and LOVE the thrill of the chase and the excitement that it all affords. I suppose I'll be alone for the rest of my life..
Woe is me!!! *dramatic sigh* ;)
