Collin's Christmas gift is in the corner of the room and every time I look at it I get so excited to give it to him! It's silly and inside-joke-ish but was fun for me to put together.
Yes, I'm still giving him his gift, even though I know we're over. But, I'm not one to do the usual break-up thing. You know, like when the couple breaks up and hates each other for the rest of forever? They don't talk, it's awkward when they bump into each other, they burn pictures and give things back. That kind of breakup. That's not me.
It'd be so much easier to get over the feelings I still have for him if I went on a wild hating rampage. It'd be really easy, and pleasurable in a horrible way, to name every single thing I never liked about him, tell everyone what an evil person he is, and generally foster angry feelings. I haven't said anything bad though {mm.. minimally, haha} and have made a promise that I won't ever speak an ill-word against him. When people respond to my newfound singleness they say things like, "what a jerk!", "you don't want to be with such a tool anyway!", and other really negative things. I subtly correct them. Because that's not how I view this.
I had a beautiful relationship with Collin. {At least, haha, I thought so..} I really loved every minute of it. It wouldn't make sense for me to hate him when I once loved him. When it all went down I was very upset. And my dear protective mother and sister were all over it. They took care of me and even posted all over facebook about it. It was comforting {misery loves company} to see those negative comments people said in response. But, I took them off of my page. Mostly because {honest to goodness} I didn't want to hurt his feelings should he stumble over them. But also because that's not healthy for me. I know that's how a lot of the world works and I'm sure it'd be more effective to handle breakups like that but.. that's not how I want to live. He decided I wasn't the girl for him. That doesn't make him a bad person. That doesn't give me any reason to hate him. Except maybe for how he did it.. But I won't hate him.
He still wants to be my friend. Last he talked to me that was the case at least. And even though the idea was not appealing in any form when he offered it, I want that more than anything now! I'm moving on. Honestly. But I don't want him completely gone from my life unless he does.
If I saw him right now I'd offer him an olive twig thing of peace and all the forgiveness in my heart {assuming he'd apologized in this scenario}, even a hug if he'd take it.
I can't wait to give him my gift!
