Cute boy and I met in September.
He took me on one date and it was awful. We both decided it wasn't going to go anywhere and friends was definitely better for us. I mean, it was not a good date as far as relationship potential goes. I had a good time but I was not impressed with him. I loved his group of friends and we continually hung out through fall. I liked him for a little while through October but Collin trumped him on all points. I liked him but never thought much of it because it'd never happen. I was crazy for Collin and I didn't think he'd like me anyway. He seemed too different for me. By the time I was done liking him and had started dating Collin, lo and behold, he confessed to liking me and furthermore decided that he would sabotage my relationship with Collin.
His sabotage plan didn't last long but did actually make life frustratingly hard. I'd never really stopped liking him but liked Collin a million times more. It was odd. I still wanted to be friends but was wary because I knew he liked me and it was weird and finally I decided to distance myself. We didn't really talk or hang out in December. I thought it would be kind of inappropriate to be such good friends still if he openly liked me and I was struggling to repress liking him while dating Collin.
After Collin broke up with me he was right there. He would check up on me and listen to me and make sure I knew how special and loved I am. If he hadn't been around for it all I wouldn't have done as well. I came back to Utah, we started hanging out, and all the feelings came back.
We like each other, that's established. But I don't know where we're going or what will happen. I'm not sure if we'll actually date. We have really, really different views on relationships. We see things so differently I'm not sure we could reconcile that. Blake asked me today how I felt about a certain aspect of this relationship and I said, "I'm not sure if I like it," and he responded, "but it's worth it, right?" I kind of thought about it and said, "I don't know yet."

So that's how things stand. That's my love life. I know how I want things to go and I know what he wants and I'm not sure they're the same. But I don't care. I like this kid and want to spend as much time as I can with him now in case things don't work out.