It's been a long, hard road.
It's the one week mark and I am where most girls are at by week five. I've found hope in an utterly hopeless situation and solace in a foundation of truth I've had all along.
There is a gaping hole in my chest. A constant, unshakable feeling that something, someone, is missing. Until you've gone through this kind of loss you wouldn't understand. Everything reminds me of him. I see him in everything. This place is haunted now, riddled with memories we carelessly made and tossed aside. There is not one place I can go that he is not associated with. Worse yet is that he is only a mile away. Fenced in and away from me but close enough to reach. It's tormenting.
But I'm surviving. And surviving well. When life gets rough you gotta play rough back. The callouses will form along the way. There's a hole in my heart, something I'm learning to live with. I have put my hands into the Lords and am letting him take this away. He's going to fill that hole with something else until Alex comes home or someone can fill it with love again. In just five days my testimony has grown rapidly. My Savior is the only one who knows this pain completely, the only one who is always, always there. I have no choice but to rely on him.
There is so much hope. It didn't seem like it, and even now I still struggle, but it's there. Everyone once in a while I break down. It's natural to mourn and be sad... So long as you don't stay sad. It's okay to take change hard; it's a difficult process. Just don't let it consume you. Everything happens for a reason.
This pain will subside.
My best friend is gone. I love him. I miss him. And I know I will be okay.
