Winter's are really hard for me.
For the last five years I've gone through a period of depression around winter. Last year it was parts of November and then February. The year before was December and January. I get lonely and scared and feel so lost. They talk about how hard it is living with depression and I can relate. It's a crushing hopelessness that you have to try and shove away with what little energy it leaves you with. It's quite an unpleasant time. I don't know why it happens. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or if it's just natural. I wish the past five years didn't have little scars on them from depression. Maybe it's something I'll grow out of. I am quite young still. I hope so of course, but only time will tell.
Its February 3rd. And I can feel it coming on.
I'm fighting it so hard, don't get me wrong. And I'm not letting the fact that this has become an annual thing be an excuse for me to let it win. I don't want the demons to get the best of me. I want this winter to be unscathed. I don't want to scare Jordan away so soon. I'm scared to even talk to him about it if it comes on.
I'm so determined to beat this.
