I adore my father. I really love him. He's my dad, how could I not? That being said I also really hate my father. He's not the worlds best person... hypocritical, lying, jackhole. All too often I find myself biting my tongue because I just want to scream at him. He gets under my skin so easily.
We were driving around town and he wouldn't stop talking about Nikki. Just wouldn't freaking shut up about her. I did my good daughter thing and listened sympathetically though I was totally going crazy. He said something about my mom, probably something dumb and I asked him when they did get divorced. 1996. I got really brave and asked, "whatever happened to you guys?"
Stupid question.
I got a bland answer, like usual, something super generic. "You know your mother and I, do you really think we'd work well?" Yeah, ain't that the truth, haha. And then, unfortunately, he launched into a twenty minute rant over how pointless and worthless marriage was. He kept saying, "I don't want to discourage you but.." and then something about how dating is as good as it gets. Once you get married the women stop being so nice and wearing makeup and cleaning and the men stop making an effort and bringing gifts and being good. The dating is the "fake time" where you fool each other into thinking you're way better than you are. And then once you're married the facade comes down and you see each other for the truly boring or annoying or lame or bad people you are. It reminded me of my mom once telling me that I needed to hide the bad parts of myself so I would fool a guy into marrying me and once I unleashed the true crazy he'd be stuck. She might have been kidding but still. Dad said marriage was like an alarm clock, a rude awakening to the rest of your crappy life. My grandmother, his mother, has always been this way with her husband. She told me just yesterday she thought she was in love when they were married but certainly wasn't then and isn't now. She said it's a companionship, that's it. Dad went on and on about how marriage is awful and just so terrible. I had better be old and have dated and been engaged forever before marrying some guy. He said it's not just a matter of going 50-50 in a relationship, you have to change everything. Marriage, according to my dear father, is hell.
I know he's crazy. And I always take his advice with a fistful of salt, a large fistful. He's an awful example. But it was seriously depressing to hear him talk like that. Is that really how love is in the end? Is that what we're doomed to? I texted Mom to tell her and she said, "please, for the love of all that is sacred, ignore him. there's a reason the song is called, 'follow the prophet.. not eric.'"
Let's be honest, marriage is not for another three years at the least for me. I have things to do and a lot of growing up to get over before I make a decision that incredibly massive. But it is on my mind... much to my chagrin. It's in my immediate future, kind of.
I'm just really disheartened about it all now.
