The gray area

Life is hard. Duh.


As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints {unrelated note: it's weird to me when people say Mormons aren't Christians or don't believe in Jesus. *ahem* Look at the name of our church and try to tell me again that I don't believe in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, see what happens.} I have some standards that I hold myself to that majority of the world does not. I don't drink, smoke, use tobacco, or even drink coffee or tea. I wear modest clothes that cover my shoulders, chest, stomach, and upper legs. I don't swear and do my best not to talk badly or gossip about people. I avoid rated R movies, pornography, and inappropriate movies, books, or music like the plague. I attend church every Sunday for three hours, read from the scriptures every day, and pray tons. These are things I do so I can be a better person and live a happier life. I can honestly testify that following the commandments of Christ has improved my life.


These things have always been very black and white for me. I have such an awfully mean conscience that if I cross any line that I've set out for myself I will not hear the end of it from inside my head. I just live in black and white. There are things in life though that don't come with a specific line. It doesn't have a fence with good and bad on either side. There are concepts and guidelines that are really fuzzy, really gray.

So what's the story, why am I writing about this?

Well, I was faced with this choice.


I love college and being eighteen and having fun friends and opportunities and freedom. I can do anything I want, so I want to do anything I want. On Friday my best friend Mitch invited me to go out with some friends. They were going to go up the mountain to another friends cabin to stay the night. The guys were going to make igloos outside and sleep in them while the girls slept in the cabin. Even though I didn't know anyone going except Mitch, I eagerly jumped on the opportunity to do something spontaneous and crazy-sounding. I really was looking forward to it. He said they would go up on Sunday and come back Monday, with no school and all that didn't seem like a problem. I told him to hold a seat for me and I would most definitely be there.


Then my stupid conscience kicked in and started nagging at me.

The little jerk.

Since Friday I have been trying to push it away because I didn't know what its problem was until this morning. It's a Sunday, you'd be going on a Sunday. I rolled my eyes when I realized why my head was bugging me, "really?! Just because it's Sunday you think I shouldn't go??" So I tried to justify it, because that's what we humans do when we know we're doing something wrong. First of all, it was with a bunch of Mormon kids. What, are they gonna go up and smoke weed and have sex all over the place? Second, it was the second half of Sunday, I could still go to church and everything! And, third, I've never done anything like this! It was going to be fun! Just one Sunday can't hurt.

This is a gray area.

The "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet says this:

Prepare during the week so that you can reserve Sunday for the many uplifting activities that are appropriate for the Sabbath day. Such activities include spending quiet time with your family, studying the gospel, fulfilling your Church callings and responsibilities, serving others, writing letters, writing in your journal, and doing family history work. Your behavior and dress on the Sabbath should show respect for the Lord and His holy day.Sunday is not a day for shopping, recreation, or athletic events. Do not seek entertainment or make purchases on this day. Let others know what your standards are so they can support you. When seeking a job, share with your potential employer your desire to attend your Sunday meetings and keep the Sabbath day holy. Whenever possible, choose a job that does not require you to work on Sundays.Observing the Sabbath will bring you closer to the Lord and to your family. It will give you an eternal perspective and spiritual strength.

Now that leaves a huge gray area for me and, judging by the huge discrepancies between the Sunday worship of all the members of the church, other people as well. What qualifies as "entertainment"? How do I "serve others" in this regard? Is it appropriate to "hang out" on Sunday?


When it comes to gray areas {most of them at least, haha, I'm an awful person. ;) } I just shy away from them and plant myself right on the good side, in clear view of what I've been taught. Why stray too close? If you put your hand that close to the fire you might get burned. So when I got here to school four months ago I laid down these rules for myself about the Sabbath day: I will go to church, I will stay in Sunday dress, I will read my scriptures and study church material, I will not do homework or watch tv, I will not "hang out", and will generally do things that invite the Spirit.


I held myself to these rules for quite some time, with slip-ups here and there. With this invitation, though, my rules flew out the window and I was completely ready to go.


When Mitch texted me this morning I had to make a split second decision.


Go have fun and wander into the gray area or stick with the standards I hold myself to?


It was uncomfortable having to text him saying "that's against the high rules I've set for myself" without sounding judgmental or like I disapproved of him making that decision. Because, let's be clear, these are my standards. I do not hold anyone to the same level as I do myself, perhaps with the exception of my family {they're good people and I know them so well that I expect the best from them. Maybe that's bad but I do.} so I don't think that way at all about what they're doing. This decision was very self-centered and I didn't think about their actions at all. Those are not their standards, they are doing nothing wrong for them. For me though.. well I wouldn't have been able to. I sincerely hope they have a good time and really wish that I could have gone, had it been a different day.

I think I'm glad I decided not to go. I am missing out on an opportunity to meet new people and have an absolute blast in the mountains but I am proving to the Lord that I will stay firmly where I stand, even when the gray area isn't technically bad.


Dear Gordon B. Hinckley said,

Some would have us believe that the area between good and evil is largely gray and that it is difficult to determine what is right and what is wrong. For any who so believe, I recommend this beautiful statement of Moroni found in the Book of Mormon: “For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for everything which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.” (Moro. 7:16.)

 I judged for myself and I think I'm doing the right thing for me, even if it doesn't seem a big deal to other people.

"Brethren and sisters, we have nothing to fear if we stay on the Lord’s side." -Gordon B. Hinckley 

Screw the gray area, I'm staying over on the Lord's side as far as I can.