Someone from Spanish Fork came into the Creamery today. Someone that knew Alex and that we dated. Of course they wanted to talk about him.
It makes me angry with myself that talking about him hurts sometimes. Not always. Just every once in a while I can't talk about him. It makes me angry that I'm struggling with this still after almost nine months. Almost nine months and there are still emotional moments. It makes me angry that I'm with Collin and so happy with him and still, still, Alex'll push through every once in a while. This happens just about every week and a half. It makes me so angry. I'm happy with Collin and I want to be happy with Collin and not thinking of someone else because that's not fair to him and not healthy for me but here we are and I hate it. And I don't know whether I should be angry at me for not being over this yet or angry at him for making it so hard.
I think when you plan on a life with someone it's hard to get over that life without them.
I don't want to feel this way any more and I'm trying trying trying to make it stop.
