This applied to me in high school 100%. People were well aware of my standards and who I was. The worst they could ever, ever say of me was that I could get mad at people swearing or being inappropriate or sad sometimes when having a bad day. But they could never say that I was a slut, swore a lot, partied, was drunk all the time, did drugs. Honestly, those rumors never went and even if they did get started, no one would believe them. I was friends with some of the bad kids, some of the good kids, the nerds, the thespians, the hipsters, the Mormons, the underclassmen, the teachers. I spread myself out and no one could speak terribly of me. There were definitely people that didn't like me, and heck, I didn't like a lot of people too. I was just a good girl. Integrity was my favorite word and way to live.


Things have changed so much. I've made mistakes. In a school where everyone is supposed to be just as good as you've always been, you don't look good any more. You look average. Your tiny little flaws are put on display. Everyone judges you. Everyone looks at your mistakes and thinks the worst of you. If someone were to speak badly of me.. it might be believed. It was believed last semester. It's hard to be so good in an environment like this. When everyone is good, no one is. Everyone started backsliding and plateauing. It's hard not to get dragged down too. I actually loved growing up in a school where I was unusual, truly peculiar. It forced me to be good, be better. Here, I have no motivation to be good. I have very high standards and already I've slipped on so many of them. I have done bad things. I'm definitely still a good little girl, and I don't need to do some serious repentance, but I'm not as good as I once was, there probably are things to speak badly of me about, and I don't like it. I love BYU very much. Academically, it is a fabulous school. I mean, incredible. There are some things though.. some things are hard for me to handle.