This is the end of the most important relationship I've had for the past five or so months. It's kind of a big deal. Yes, it feels like my world is ending, though I know full well that it's not. Yes, it feels like a part of my heart is leaving with him, and it probably is, though I know I'll be okay.
We had a great relationship, it's true. But lately things have fallen apart. We have completely crumbled. It's heartbreaking. We are too immature and the circumstances not good. Neither of us can handle this or give each other what we want and need right now. It's hard to be really honest and say that we have been struggling that badly recently. No one wants to say, "yeah, I'm totally in love with him, but it is completely imploding on itself." No one wants to be in the situation where you can't step away because you're so crazy about them but it hurts so much to hold on. I feel awful everyday about how things are.
Since he's leaving we're going to make it a happy ending. The next ten days are going to be blissfully happy but also a little sad. That way we avoid the natural disastrous breakup we would have had without the mission and still leave doors open for two years from now when we are mature and ready for something like this. Maybe things are never meant to work out for us, who knows. Either way the next ten days will be an emotional experience.
Alli, who recently went through the same situation, said to me that this week is the hardest. She knows exactly what I'm going through. It is hard. I can make it though. I'll be alright. I always am.
