Aye aye aye aye Papi.
This morning from 5-10 am I was tired and slightly disfunctional. From 10-4 pm I was in a fabulous mood! Around six I started going down hill and now feel so depressed.
I'd ask why I was so mood-swingy but we all know the answer, or at least can guess.
I really hate when I get like this. I control it to the best of my ability, that's for sure, but those emotions go so deep and are tough to fight off. Stupid female hormones. Stop making me upset. :(

Morgan: "Why did that dead raccoon have tomato sauce all over him?"

micky...

Jenny.
I met Jenny the Friday night of new student orientation along with Alex and Ethan. First thought, "holy crap she's gorgeous."The next night when we went to the volleyball game altogether I decided that I really liked her.
Things have not changed in that department. :)
Reasons I love Jenny:

• Heart of gold! She is so thoughtful and so kind. It's really quite unbelievable really. There is not an ounce of Utah Mormon, or fake, or bad in her. She is one good girl!
• We're extremely similar. It's a little weird, actually. The first time I had some actual one-on-one time was when she, Alex, and I were making dinner and he made up some excuse to leave the room for a while, later telling me it was part of his plot to make us best friends, and while he was gone we chatted and I pretty much decided then and there that she was ridiculously awesome. I'm not saying that she's ridiculously awesome and since we're similar I'm ridiculously awesome.. I mean, I guess, yeah, I am.. ;)
• I can talk to this girl for hours on end! I am a naturally shy person. Though not the definition of shy that most people use. It's really weird. I'm either really quiet or really talkative, depending on the person/people and circumstances. Any-who, I totally come out of my shell with her. Sometimes I feel bad because with her I just start talking about the most random, irrelevant things and don't stop for twenty minutes. Poor girl.. but she keeps listening!
• Continued from above - She always comforts me when I need it. After Alex left I was having a hard time and she was always, always there for me. I knew I could count on her. Even now, miles away, whenever I'm feeling sad I know, without a doubt, that I could complain to her and she'd listen and sympathize.
• She likes me too. :) Haha. For some reason I find it very odd that she wants to be my friend as much as I want to be hers! I take some sort of twisted pride in that..

I had a Skype date with miss Jenny tonight! Can't wait to see her again this fall. :)

I love love love it when these girls are all, "I'm Mormon! Super Mormon! I love the church! Can't wait to get married in the temple!" at the same time that they're posting pictures of themselves in strapless bikinis {by the way, that's a super gross fad that needs to die - not flattering on anyone!} on Facebook, messing around with boys with ultra low morals, and occasionally drinking so long as they don't get completely drunk. It's so cute. Gah, adorable.


There are those of us out there that actually try to live our faith, represent the Church positively, and follow what the prophets have instructed. Pardon me for getting all judgmental on you but girls like me that are actually trying their best to be good are sick of having to compete with fakes like you.


Soapbox done.

My co-workers are all older, smoking, crazy people. they're so awesome. BethAnn, Matt, Sara, and Kenny are my favorites. They all mock my youth, haha. oldies ;)

Just realized that the guy sitting next to me doesn't have a pinky finger on his left hand. whoooaaaa. it looks so cool :)

Helaman 7:7-9
One of the very first "the grass is greener" complaints. I never noticed that ancient prophets whined just like we do..

Reasons I love my job {we won't go into the reasons I hate it.. that might go a little longer.. positivity!}

• The first core value: "Christ is preeminent in all that we do." As a religious person, I love this. To me it's all about helping people through a power higher than ourselves. Regardless of religious views and orientations, we can all come together in an attitude of Christ-like service. Even if you don't believe in Jesus, you can still treat others as He did.
• The fifth core value: "People direct decisions that affect their lives, positively impact the communities in which they live, and are supported in living life to the full." Oftentimes society thinks that individuals with developmental disabilities can't make decisions for themselves. But that is absolutely not true! And my job is to provide support for their decisions. I am not a "caregiver", I am a supporter. My job title is Direct Support Professional - I am empowering people, not just taking care of them.
• We use languages of respect. This type of language puts the person in front of the disability. Instead of saying, "Katie is autistic," we say, "Katie has autism." She is not the disease. I would not say, "Tom is brown hair," I would say, "Tom has brown hair." We tend to put this completely all-encompassing label on those with developmental and intellectual disabilities, as if they are completely defined by their medical conditions. At Bethesda we promote viewing those we support as individuals with differing levels of capabilities and talents.
• I like riding the MAX. :) It feels dangerous cuz it's all inner-city-y and there are so so many crazies. What's not to love about that?? ;)

If I was okay with tattoos.. and it was in a really inconspicuous place.. and it was small..


I'd get this in white ink.


I love this.


Shhhh..

"Happiness on earth isn't just for high achievers."

Well, that was the longest eight hours ever.

Despite the lack of sleep - training is going fairly well thus far!

I hardly slept last night. For several reasons.

1. I read my scary book. In the dark. Alone in my house.
2. I was anxious and nervous about work in the morning. Nightmares ensued.
3. Elder Sanders got to call me this morning and I was anticipating it very highly.

I fell asleep around two and was awakened at 530 by the sound of my phone ringing. Resisting the urge to answer on the first ring, I stretched and yawned, making sure to test my voice so it didn't sound too tired. And then, the moment I had been waiting for for the three days I knew I should be waiting for it, happened - I answered! Oh my gosh he sounded so different and, yet, the exact same. As his letters have come I've subconsciously tracked his progress. At first it was definitely stupid little Alex. As the two months passed he slowly changed, but in an un-pinpoint-able way it was so subtle. Alex on the phone has definitely changed. He was all mature! After five minutes of talking I laughingly pointed out that he sounded like such a little adult and he replied that the MTC had changed him very much. He seemed more confident, his testimony was overwhelming, and his Spanish very impressive! He's a little nervous to go into the field, and they might throw him into proselyting tonight, but he assured me that there is nothing he can't do without the Lord. Uh, Alex was always spiritual, but who is this guy?? It was crazy. From the second I picked up the phone I was smiling. I still can't believe that I got to talk to him!!! And for fourteen minutes, no less! It didn't sound like he missed me at all {which is good!}, only like he wanted to call his old best friend and catch up.
What a great way to start my morning.
And now to ruin it. Off to my first day of work. :(

Confession Time:

I'm afraid of the dark.

Like.. really, really afraid.

To get to work at 9 am tomorrow morning I have to leave at 720 am. The location by car is literally only thirty minutes away. Unfortunately, I have to take public transportation because I'm too poor to pay for gas, thus extending my travel time by more than an hour.

Can you tell that I'm not feeling very great about this?

The next two weeks will be heck. Thank heavens it's just two weeks. I don't want to do this. :( Pray for me, please? Gosh I'm feeling so depressed about this. Goodbye fun summer, you were nice while you lasted.

Everything about California makes me feel like a minority amongst the Mexicans. I wish I knew Spanish right now.

Old lady next to me on the airplane is reading Twilight on her Kindle. Don't do it..

Phone call

I got an email from Elder Sanders:

"So I realized that you probably won't get my letter in time so just in case: Keep your phone close on monday because we can call. Keep it handy from 5 AM to noon. Email me back asap with questions or the best time to call. Talk to ya monday!"

Can't believe it :) Hopefully it works out and I can hear his voice again. It's been two months and I still miss him a lot. It might make it hard again but it will be worth it.

Just said goodbye to my favorite cousin, my best-friend-since-birth, Christopher, as he leaves on his mission to Denver.
See you in two, favorite!!! <3

Twelve hours at Disneyland. Can you say exhausted??

Not that I'm NOT having a grand time at Disneyland, I just bet that I'd be having a better time if I were actually sleeping at night. :p

Ave: "you've got something under your eye morgan"
morg: "what is it?"
ave: "gross."

HAHAHA my gosh Avery Viola.

Hellooooo LA :)

Off to Disneyland!!! :D flight leaves in two hours!

I think I'm done with my pathetic attempts at conforming myself to others' ideas and standards in order to be accepted. I have this awful tendency to act a different way among different people. So they think I'm funny, so they think I'm smart, so they think I'm nicep. It's tiring though; and so very, very teenage-high-school-y. I'm a little late on learning this but I'm learning nonetheless. I don't want to waste my life living up to other peoples differing perceptions of "right" and "cool". I want to spend my life, my whole life, living up to the Savior's example of right, because that is one perception that won't change. WWJD, huh? :)
I don't need anyone's approval but His.

I am currently hooked on a book called The Dante Club, by Matthew Pearl.

It's amazing.

Set in the mid to late 1860's in Boston this novel is about a group of literary scholars that go about translating the dark work of Dante's Divine Comedy {a book I have started again and again but never successfully finished.. someday I shall prevail}. There are a lot of critics of the work and many don't want them continuing its translation but they keep going. Then murders start happening. Really eerie murders. They're creepy and demented and the public is kinda weirded out but doesn't take notice. The Dante club notices though, because every murder follows the punishments that Dante lays out for the different rings of hell. The first victim is eaten alive by maggots and flies; the second, buried upside down with feet aflame. The Dante Club must get to the bottom of it!

So in love.

Unfortunately, it's also terrifying. I mean, normally when I'm hooked on a book like this I take it to bed and read until three in the morning when I fall asleep. This book would be no different except that it's making me want to cry out of fear.

Best part? I'm not even a quarter of the way through it. :)

This is how I get my men.

Whadda babe.

Guess where I'll be tomorrow??!!?!

Disneyland. :)

1 Peter 3:3-4
women, make your hearts as beautiful as you strive to make your appearance. THAT's what is important.

Oh, ya know, just worked eleven hours today. On my feet the whole time. Did not eat one meal. Very little sleep. That my body is still functioning is a miracle really! It's a good thing I'm at the prime of my life and can do crap like this! ;) Isn't that a weird thought? That this right here is the prime of my physical life? That's rather depressing and terribly motivating. I need to go climb a freaking mountain guys! While I still have it in me! Soon I'll be old and decrepit, on my death bed. I can feel the time drawing near. It's close, so close. There's a light.. I'm going toward the light, Jimmy! I'm letting go! I'm.. *blah*


I definitely just went Team R with Kaila and am super hyped up on non-existent energy right now. WHEEE!!!! I could run a marathon! I could eat fourteen bags of chips! I could roll around scream-laughing with Kai! Oh wait.. I just did!!!


Kaila was in the bathroom and I was walking towards her from the kitchen. The only lights that were on were the bathroom and the upstairs light. She was standing in the doorway flickering it on and off with a menacing stare so I said, "wow, this is just like a horror movie." Just as I made that remark I glanced a little to the left, toward my parents doorway, and saw a tiny little face staring at me before she plunged us into darkness again. I screamed and told her to turn on the light but by that time I'd scared her so much that instead of turning the dang lights on she rushed at me and stood cowering, 5'5" behind me, 5'2". We backed away and then a child's body stepped into the very, very dim light emanating from upstairs. We all screamed, Kaila, myself, and Grant, the child's body who had just gone in to ask mom if he could get a drink. I scared him so badly the first time that I screamed that he had the most somber look on his face that only served to scare the living daylights out of Kaila and myself even more. He looked like a child from one of those demented horror movies with small children that are possessed. I'm going to say something like The Exorcist or The Unborn. He looked just like that. Needless to say, Kaila and I screamed and jumped back about four feet before realizing it was just Grant at which point we collapsed on the ground crying and laughing. The poor little boy got his water and went to bed; proud that he had scared his older sisters into tears and a little shaken that his older sisters had scared him too. 


Highlight of the night right there. Of course, that ties with Kaila whispering {because she was laughing so hard} "Kenzie just had her pants off!" while we were interpretive dancing.


Kaila and I like to dance. The music just owns us. It's in mah blooooood. ;) Stadd put on a song for us to listen to and naturally we began to dance. As we were Team R-ing it up, we began interpretive dancing. Much flailing and rolling around commenced. I was in the middle of wriggling and doing a more contemporary worm on the ground when Kaila reached out her hand and... managed to completely pull down my pajama pants. I don't often {ever} go commando so I was wearing underwear and all.. but yeah.. that was somethin' else. I flung myself to the floor and blindly searched for my pants while trying to dance still and she collapsed in hysterical fits of laughter. Between gasps for breath she managed to utter, "Kenzie just had her pants off!" much like a three-year-old might laugh hysterically when a joke is made about certain bodily functions or someone jokingly trips and falls on their face. Tears rolled down her cheeks, literally, not metaphorically, and I continued my dance.






Oh gosh.


I just reached that point where you're scared to stop typing because you know you'll fall dead asleep.


A'ight. Time to accept my fate. Goodnight world. You've been *sniff sniff* so good to me. I shall miss thee! Until the morrow, my dear companions! My heart shall search for thee high and low until we are reunited, life! Adieu, adieu.


*sweeping bow*
*lights out*
*applause applause*

"Hi, can I get a sno-cone and your number?"
"...you can have a sno-cone."

concession stand life. ;)

Of course on the night that I would NEED to get a lot of sleep for concession stand work the next morning I'm up all night. Tossing. And. Turning.

I can't get rid of this blasted headache :(
three days strong.
it started as a migraine and has settled into this constant aching behind me eyes. aaaggghhhhh.

Wonderful trip to Portland with my mommy!

Hahaha, look at this old gem! Look at those little babies! That's about nine months ago. Crazzzy stuff.

"I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun." -Katniss

Things I want to do:

• Study Abroad - London anyone? Or maybe Ireland! No where with a foreign language though because I, dear friends, cannot speak anything but English. Even that's a struggle. Learning a language in order to do a study abroad somewhere is not really going to happen.
• CNA license - I just think it'd be a really good tool to have. It'd pave the way for a lot of opportunities and doesn't even take too long to get. Though I am kind of bad at bodily stuff..
• Insurance selling license-y thing - My Dad used to work in insurance {Aflac.. Aflac.. AFLAC} and he always said he'd get me a job if I just had my sellers license or whatever it's called. Yeah, as you can tell this one isn't really planned through but I would like to get it. Whatever it is.
• Graduate college - not so much a want to do as a will do. I have no idea what kind of degree though. I've been set on a physical science major for the last two years but now I'm thinking about business.. Gah, I don't even know!
• Own a home before marriage - HAHA. I know that won't happen. But I can dream, right? I want to have my own place where I can paint walls, remodel rooms, and put as many nails into the wall as I want. I'll have a lot of pretty colors, tons of flowers, and music all the time! A ton of money is necessary for this want. So, either a rich family member needs to die or I need to find a bank with a low-security system that won't mind my borrowing a couple mil...
• A story to tell my children - I want to be able to say, "before you were born I did this and this! And this and this! I travelled the world! I held a bunch of cool jobs! I was a professional this-and-this! I did new things everyday!" And when they say, "Then you had us and now your life is boring." I'll reply with something super cliche and tear-jerkingly cheesy like, "No, I had you, my lovely little flock of children, and you have been my greatest adventure of all." *camera pans slowly off right and focuses in on sunset*

Life is so short! Life is so full of opportunities. I have so many doors open to me! What I choose to do in my short amount of time is up to me.

Generally, if you're nice to people.. they'll be nice back.
Usuuually.

So sorry, my dear internet friends, that I have been so absent on bloggage lately!

I have nothing to blog about, you see.

Because, basically, my days go like this:

Maybe I'll get up. Well, it's only 8.. why? But then I'll feel like a lazy bum if I don't. But you don't need to! You have a whole day to do nothing! Okay, compromise, I'll sleep in fifteen more minutes and then get up. So now it's 815, guess I'll just get up. Get in the shower maybe? Okay, after two hours of lazily getting ready {not because it takes that long, because I have as much time to take as much time as I want}, I should reeeeally do something now. What to do.. what to do.. I guess I could clean the kitchen again. Yeah, let's do that. And maybe I'll drive around town aimlessly for a little while, or run errands for mom. Yeah, okay.. And um, a nap! A nap sounds great. So does some wall-staring {a really fun activity in which you stare at walls or out windows with an expression on your face that causes people to think that you're busy thinking deep thoughts or philosophizing about the state of the world but really you're not thinking at all}. Oh, the kids are home from school! I guess I'll.. talk to them? Play with them if they want. Ah, I'll watch a cartoon with them as well. Yes, that I shall do. So, now it's dinner time. After eating I'll go ahead and.. clean.. again. Laundry! I'll do like seven loads of laundry. And watch a movie with the parents. And then.. go to sleep. After sleeping I'll probably repeat the cycle with little variation. Maybe I'll go shopping. Maybe I'll go outside. Maybe I won't.

That. is how I spend my days. The last month has been frittered away in this fashion.

Needless to say         ...         I have little to say. 

And I'm going insane.

It was awesome for about a week. Now I need something to do! 

I miss schoolwork.

My gosh I can't believe I just said that....

second chance...every second

Where the flowers growwhere the leaves turn brown.Where the sun is hotwhere the snow falls down, down.Where the clouds are grayand the sky so blue.That's how you knowI'm thinking of you.

I am beginning to legitimately hate texting.

for my missionary friends :)

D&C 31:3 
"Lift up your heart and rejoice, for the hour of your mission is come; and your tongue shall be loosed, and you shall declare glad tidings of great joy unto this generation"

At the dentist. Aaggghhhhh.

Happy Muhver's Day :D

Mommy and Kenzie across the years.

Men, take care not to make women weep, for God counts their tears.
-Thomas S. Monson

This is pretty much the theme song for my freshman year of college.

Every time I hear it I'm taken back to Provo!

Get.
Out.
Of.
My.
Head.

There is something about doing things at the absolute second that makes me extraordinarily angry and stressed.

A day that I wish I hadn't gotten out of bed for.

"By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light,
pretend that it somehow lingered on"
-John Mayer Clarity

Avery's prayer at dinner tonight:
three minute long list of "thank you for"s including "thank you that Jesus Christ could die for us" <3 precious :)

Dear Stranger:
I hope you have a wonderful day. And if you don't, I hope you try to make it wonderful. Smile just a little, k?
I wish you the best.
- Mackenzie

See You in a Hundred Years: Four Seasons in Forgotten America by Logan Ward
absolutely
fabulous
book
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. a million stars!

Today I got a job. Bethesda Lutheran Communities. I'll be working as a On-Call Direct Support Professional. Which really tells you nothing about the position because according to the lady it's just working with mentally disabled adults in a care home; cooking, cleaning, mostly interacting with the residents. It doesn't start until May 28th. It's already stressing me out. Quite frankly, everything about this job has stressed me out since I found it. I just don't feel good about it. But I have no other options, need a job desperately, and so I have to take it.


This is not the summer I imagined and it's upsetting me.

"Things are bad. But they get better. And that makes this the perfect timeline."

Worrying is an inability to

let

go

The Avengers was soooo good :D

One of the bestest talks ever.

Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry

PRESIDENT GORDON B. HINCKLEY

• "I am satisfied that if we would look for the virtues in one another and not the vices, there would be much more of happiness in the homes of our people."
• "And so, my dear young men, you may not think seriously about it now. But the time will come when you will fall in love. It will occupy all of your thoughts and be the stuff of which your dreams are made. Make yourself worthy of the loveliest girl in all the world. Keep yourself worthy through all the days of your life. "
• "Choose carefully and wisely. The girl you marry will be yours forever. You will love her and she will love you through thick and thin, through sunshine and storm. "
• "She will wish to be married to someone who loves her, who trusts her, who walks beside her, who is her very best friend and companion. She will wish to be married to someone who encourages her in her Church activity and in community activities which will help her to develop her talents and make a greater contribution to society. She will want to be married to someone who has a sense of service to others, who is disposed to contribute to the Church and to other good causes. She will wish to be married to someone who loves the Lord and seeks to do His will."
• "That obligation begins with absolute loyalty. As the old Church of England ceremony says, you will marry her “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.” She will be yours and yours alone, regardless of the circumstances of your lives. You will be hers and hers alone. There can be eyes for none other. There must be absolute loyalty, undeviating loyalty one to another. Hopefully you will marry her forever, in the house of the Lord, under the authority of the everlasting priesthood. Through all the days of your lives, you must be as true one to another as the polar star."
• "The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you. She will give her all to the young man she marries. He will largely determine the remainder of her life. She will even surrender her name to his name."

"Those girls are so fresh and vibrant. They are beautiful. They are bright. They are able. They are faithful. They are virtuous. They are true. They are 
simply wonderful and delightful young women."
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/05/living-worthy-of-the-girl-you-will-someday-marry?lang=eng&cid=facebook-shared

Some people and things never change. I swear that to you. Yes, we are all capable of changing. Yes, that option is open to us. But there are some people that just plain suck and never change. Stupid self-centered people. :( Makin' me angry.

iridescent

a fabulous word.

Worth it

This is truly what is important.

I just got a wave of homesickness for Utah. 

Homesickness? Utah?

Supah weiii-ahd.

But definitely happening.

Take me back, Utah! Take me back again!

Friiiiidayyyyy :D

So proud of my baby girl Kaila!!! Such an amazing actress and singer. Atta girl! <3
And li'l Mick! Oh my baby grill did fabulous. I was so so proud to see her short little head bobbing through the crowd of orphans!
Love my sisters and that they're doing theater!!!!

On another note: it was so great to see Collin today. He's basically my twin separated at birth in a male body. Except smarter. And cockier. ;) I love that we're able to catch right up where we left off, no matter how long it's been since last seeing each other. And that he's so touchy, too! It's nice, as a hugger, to have another hugger in your life. Love it and him!

It's been a good night!

The nerd in me is thrilled with this.

Although it pains me to say this..
Just Breathe by Pearl Jam is one fan-freakin-tastic song.

Went to the temple with some friends tonight.

Honestly one of the more spiritual experiences I've had.

Not that anything particularly moving or inspiring happened.

I just felt immensely grateful for this gospel.

There is one way.

And I am doing my best to follow it!

Every day my class schedule for this fall gets weirder and weirder.
I still have to tack on one more credit to qualify for my scholarship.
I don't want to add another class {making a grand total of 8 classes and 14 credits} or drop any {I'm really digging the time frame I've molded and the classes I've got on my plate}.


Hmm..


Decisions.
Decisions.

Highland Scottish Mackenzie clan slogan:

Luceo non uro

 - 

"I shine not burn"

Being sick ruins everything.

Life is just that much more pleasant when you go through it with a positive outlook.
On a similar note: there are fights that aren't worth having and things that don't need to be said. If it's something you'll forget in a week then it probably isn't important. Have a little perspective before opening your mouth.

We spend our realities escaping them. What a sad waste.

Well that was... An interview..