I refuse to believe this is real until I see it with my own eyes.

                          

whoa

Really.. All I want right now is some good guacamole and chips. Unfortunately time has proven that an overload of avacado based anything makes me sick to my stomach.

I could get sick off this.

Eh, screw it, I'm going to the store.

I can't believe how funny I am.

Man.

I realize that I'm fantastic. Well aware, folks. I know I've got a ton of worth and deserve the best.

But even that doesn't stop me from questioning why this boyfriend of mine stays with me.

Even after I treat him like dirt and under appreciate him.. He's still there, desperately wanting to make me all better. Every time. Without fail.

He's like a golden retriever that loves loves loves you even after you leave him out in the cold all night. On purpose. Without food.

He's Dug from Up.

My gosh I'm dating Dug.

And I'm the grumpy old man.. D,:

I know I'm super "stop talking to me about marriage" and all but that doesn't mean I can't daydream and be a girl about it on my own time. That being said....

Try searching "engagement photos" on Pinterest. It's horribly tacky and cringe-worthy. Man there are some bad ones. Pinterest has let me down tonight!

I've got two of the fourteen down and two more months to try my hand at the rest before school starts up again!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/books-to-read-before-they-hit-the-big-screen

"We live in a world that teaches 'don't get raped' rather than 'don't rape."

A fantastic read regarding rape, how it is to be a women in a world of rape culture, and why we act and react the way we do.

http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

The comments below also hold some valuable insight.

Where did the sunshine go? Come on, it's the middle of June!

How tonight's Skype conversation went:

C: how are you? Are you okay?

M: No.. I miss you. I'm not okay.

C: we probably won't feel all the way okay until we're together again

*and there went the uncontrollable crying*

*the kind that makes your parents scared for your well being*

*where your mom interrupts your Skyping just to ask if "we're doing okay"*

Not break up tears. Just girly, I-miss-my-boyfriend-so-much tears.

Aaaggh suck it up kenz!

                                    

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/animal-pictures-you-need-to-see-before-you-die

"Chris stop it, you always squint in pictures outside!"

"I can't help it, the sun hurts my eyes."

"Haha oh come on don't be a pansy"

"No, really, it's because of my beautiful baby blue eyes.."

I wish everyone knew how funny this kid is. Seriously one of the funniest people ever. But you've got to get him to open up first. It's tricky.

... I didn't know dogs snore

Daddy's little girl

I cried

http://www.viralnova.com/daddys-letter/

Reasons I love Miranda Lambert

Truer words were never spoken.

Avery is gone camping with aunt Jenny for a week.

It is so nice and quiet around these parts.

And I didn't think I'd ever say this but I miss her right now.

It's okay though, she can stay away for a little while more. ;)

Happiness

Few things are as attractive as the man you love chopping wood for you for a fire on the beach.

It helps that he's so attractive as it is. Look at that handsome guy!

We had such a good weekend together. He came in Thursday and was waiting in my driveway as I came home from work. That was such a happy reunion. I think I hugged him for a good twenty minutes straight. We didn't do much Thursday, except talk and cuddle. No! That's a lie - we went for a longggg drive. We got groceries around eight and then started driving and talking and talking and talking and didn't get home until eleven thirty or so. It was such a good talk though. I enjoyed getting to know my honey a little more :)

Friday I surprised him by taking the day off work. We both thought he'd have to hang with the family while I was at work. So we got up and made cinnamon rolls for Father's Day and then drove out to Camas where I showed him my work. We went to a park next to the complex I work at and played around and took pictures (and kissed - shockingly).

Afterward we went to my favorite ever Mongolian grill for lunch. So good! The whole family met up at the theater for Superman right after. Good movie. I'd recommend it, I think. When we got home Chris made some of his stellar apple pie for us. I honestly don't remember what we did the rest of the night. I think a lot of talking and cuddling.

Saturday, unfortunately, I had work. So he took me to work and then he and the whole family went to mt st Helen's without me. Work sucked. But! I had him pick me up at five and off we went! 

I instructed him to fill the car with: a blanket, jackets, firewood, and matches. He didn't know where we were going but we went to.. The beach! Yes! First we walked around Seaside and ate dinner and looked at the cute shops. Then we went out to Cannon Beach, where it was less crowded, and he chopped me some wood and built me a fire. Talk about romantic :) oh I'm so in love with him. Anyway so we had a great time there. Talked about deep life stuff and acted like little love birds and stuff.

We left around eleven thirty and it took forever to get home. It was like one forty five when we got back. Which normally would have been fine except that we had to wake up early to drive to boise. Seven thirty felt sooo early haha. We did go to sacrament meeting before we left, the nine am meeting. Then we came back, said happy Father's Day to Stadd, goodbye to the kids, and we were off!

I took three naps on the way. I offered to drive and even tried to, but alas, Chris has a stick shift and, although I can drive a stick in case of emergency, I am terrified to death of them. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. Poor kid had to drive all seven hours. It was a pretty good road trip. I mean, I was super tired and hungry the whole time so I wasn't in the best mood, haha, but it was good.

Driving into boise was one of the happiest feelings in the world. I love spending time there. When we pulled into the driveway I jumped out squealing "I'm home!" I love it there.

Sunday night we ate dinner, took a walk as a family, and went and saw his corn! That's right, my boyfriend planted a corn field. Such a cute little hick. Then we hung out for the rest of the night. Sooo relaxing.

Yesterday we went out to breakfast and then long boarded with his brother Trenton. I made the mistake of long boarding in sandals and within twenty minutes I had created and popped a big blister on my foot. It hurt so bad that I couldn't even ride home. I couldn't walk on it last night. He and I played board games and watched studio c the rest of the day. Then he took me to the airport and I got back to the Couv at one in the morning.

It was a wonderful visit. Before he came I wasn't sure we'd make it. I was thinking this may be the last trip.

Well.. It won't be. I am happier than ever with him. I love Chris so much!!!

After almost a month... I will be reunited with Chris in less than ten hours. :)

Good advice.

For the record, 

Chris is not, and has not been, coming out here to meet my family and ask my dad's permission for something. 

Chris is solely visiting me here because we miss each other. 

He comes for me, not for propriety in asking for my hand.

Which brings me to my next point, the next person who brings up marriage between the two of us will incur the full wrath of Mackenzie. Including Chris himself. Folks, I am not there. Nor will I be any time soon. And we've been dating for two and a half months. I'm sick of hearing about it. At first when people asked if he was the one I responded as politely and honestly as I could saying things like "I don't know but it's sure heading in a positive direction!" Then when people nudged toward it I got a little more defensive "Haha, nope, not getting engaged this summer." And now I just plain get pissed. Stop freaking talking about it. To be honest, at this point, nothing pushes me away from him, and other people, more than when it is brought up. He's so sweet about it, and I know he doesn't mean any harm, or to frustrate and overwhelm me, but that's all it does. He'll be all romantic and say something like "You're the most incredible girl I've ever met, I want to spend forever making you happy" and it pushes me over the edge.

That should not push me over the edge.

A simple statement like that should not send me into a fit of rage.
But it does. It's too soon to be talking like that! We've been dating two and a half months! I'm so young! We're both so immature! Alex randomly shows up in the back of my head still! We're so poor! I love the single life way too much to commit to something as enormous as that yet! He's ready for that next step and I am not!

A fact that makes me very sad. He's ready for that. I'm not there yet. If I don't get there soon then he's going to move onto someone who can reciprocate what he needs. It wouldn't be wise for him to wait on me. I'm not ready for marriage, he is, and I could lose him over that.
To clarify, I realize that we date people so we can eventually find the person we want to marry - we date to marry. I'm dating Chris fully aware of that. And fully trying to participate in the real meaning of dating.
*sigh*
We could definitely get married.
But not now. Not next month. Nor the month after that. And if people keep bugging me about it, maybe not ever.

I'll totally let my kids do this.

And my husband will support it.

Long-distance relationships are awful because half of you is always missing.
You never feel wholly happy or completely satisfied with life.
Nothing can be quite as beautiful without them there to appreciate the beauty with you.

Every time I Skype 

Roundabout ramblings

I'm independent. I'm private. I'm strong-willed.

What I love most about having roommates is that I'm not alone, and yet I am.

I would hate living completely alone because I'm so afraid of the dark and not being safe. I also love being around people {company of other bodies vs. socializing.. Huuuuge difference. As I've said before I do not really enjoy socializing that much. I just want someone near. Otherwise I get lonely.}... Or rather I crave being in the company of people.. It makes me feel a million times more comfortable just knowing someone else is there, in the same home. I'm not really alone, you know? But I still am because I have my freedom, my independence. My roommates don't question what I'm doing or how I'm living or what choices I make. I'm not obligated to tell anyone anything about my life. I have my privacy but still the safety in company that I desire.

Living with family you get the safety and company but also restrictions, invasion of privacy, and judgment.

Having a husband I fear it will be the same.

I just want to be alone without having to be lonely. I want perpetual roommates.

Procrastination

It's so hard being away from him. I'm not handling it well.

Environmental Rant

There are a lot of things in this world that confuse me.
Like how we dispose of an animals waste.
You know, you go to a dog park, or even just in the apartment complex I work at, and they have those posts all around with a box of bags and a little trash can attached. And it's just become a societal norm that you take a bag and pick up your animals litter. Of course. Duh. Because someone could step in it. Or it could make someone, or another animal, sick. Okay, I get that.
Here's what I don't get.
Why are we putting something that is decomposable... into plastic, which is seriously not decomposable. We're taking something natural and shoving into a manufactured piece of fake-ness to be placed in a land fill where it's decomposition will be hindered, stunted, even stopped. That solid waste is supposed to go back into the earth! It's meant for that! Heavens it could have been placed in a big ole pile on some farm that would have decomposed oh-so-naturally into some of the best fertilizer or something.
Maybe not.. maybe dog waste is like seriously bad for the environment or something. Or maybe they do sift through those little trashes and take the waste out of the bags. I'm definitely not educated on this, I'm just musing. But I feel like it's silly. To be putting such natural things into the most unnatural places where they can't get back to the earth at all.

It's too late to be eloquent

Ender's Game was so good.