Dying of laughter

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/kids-who-sold-out-their-parents

So much to think about. This relationship was so much simpler when we were together. I don't know how we're going to last the summer.

legit

Work is kind of hard because I have to be confrontational {your rent is due, your neighbors are complaining about you, you're breaking rules with that hanging basket} and I have to calmly handle confrontation {being yelled at because their neighbors are rude, being complained to because their credit is poor, being the bad guy when I decline applications}. Not exactly my strong suit. It just makes me want to cry. I can do hard things though. This job is so worth it.

In other news, Chris is going to visit me again in 16 days! Things are rough for us right now. I'm struggling pretty bad and we miss each other so much. It's somewhat miserable. I need this trip a lot. I'm so grateful he's willing to make it for me. Hopefully after that I can go visit him. This is going to be a long summer.

Assuming none of these are mis-quoted, can we all agree that F Scott Fitzgerald is one of more inspiring of writers?

.this picture is so cool.
.my baby sister is incredibly beautiful.

Like the brisk and shocking wake-up

Of a winter chill 

upon opening the front door,

I've been reminded again

That I am just a child

Playing pretend in an adult world

Everyone is all "what pretty flowers! I want those!"

And I'm over here going "..is that a zombie." O.O

I want to live more gracefully, and, in turn, understand His grace more.

Patrons of the local library

That was one of the best weekends I've had in the entirety of my life.

Not because I did anything extraordinary or went anywhere marvelous.

It was incredible because I got to spend every waking second with Chris. It was incredible because he makes me blissfully happy and {somehow} accepts me for me, and loves me at the same time. It was incredible because I'm totally in love with the kid.

Haha, in fact I don't even know if I could tell you exactly what we did do. Mmm.. cuddled. That's on there. Kissing for sure {coulda guessed though, right?}. Oh, we went to Goldies and Julianos and Big Chiney! Old Couv classics. And we saw Iron Man 3 and Star Trek. And we walked around/toured downtown Vancouver and Portland. And we took walks. And played with the kids. And we made food {he made food}. And we laughed. And we laughed some more. And we laughed a lot.
One of my favorite parts of the trip was Sunday night when I decided I simply didn't want to go to sleep without him so we put our heads in the middle of the L-shaped couch and each took one side. We fell asleep holding hands. And when we woke up in the morning, there we were. Saying goodnight is so much easier than saying goodbye. It was a lovely goodnight, I assure you.

Everyone has been dropping {not-always-so-subtle} hints about marriage though. And it is grating on my nerves. For the record, I've thought about it. Of course. And it's not an awful thought. I'm fairly fond of that daydream. But we've been together.. a little more than a month and a half. It's overwhelming me. All of my family and all of his family and my  friends from church and acquaintances at the grocery store and my next door neighbors uncles dog asking about what they appear to think is my inevitable fate intertwined with Chris's is freaking me out. I'm 19. I'm not ready for a signature in blood like that. The more I think about it the more I want to run from it. I'm going to be Merida from Disney's Brave. Excuse me, while I rebel against tradition to go climb a waterfall and shoot some arrows.

Best friends

Skyping with Jenny this evening was so lovely.

I absolutely adore her.

Whoa

Countdown until I can see my honey is at sixteen hours :D

Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven

The apartment complex called again today.

They want me back - and I won't be working Sundays.

:) My gosh I could not be happier :)

I am so blessed!!!

Sacrifices

Life is hard. Sometimes it's beautiful and sunny and everything is right with the world but sometimes the storm clouds roll in and you fear the rain may drown you.
And sometimes life is like the weather in Utah and you get snowstorms and sunny barbecue weather in the same day.

The manager at the apartment complex called me back and said things had changed. I'd have to work Sundays. We negotiated for a while and... no dice.
I'm out of a job again.
But I know two things that are going to help me get through this:

1. I'm awesome. Seriously, I'm a catch for anyone hiring. And I rock interviews so I am certain I can find something else if only I get an interview.
2. The Lord will not let my sacrifice go un-blessed. He knows what an incredible opportunity this job was. He knows I am giving it up only for Him. There's no way He'll let that go unnoticed. He'll help me somehow. And maybe it won't be in the form of a new job. But. He will be there for me. That being said, I have to keep doing my best to find something new!

I have to keep the faith.

Pray for me!

I love being a woman. Especially in todays world. I don't feel at a disadvantage to men because of my gender. It's almost not a problem. Compared to how it has been in the past especially. I feel as though being female isn't a hinderance. I enjoy the blessings of opportunity as well as those afforded by motherhood. Although motherhood is still far in the future for me, I enjoy the prospect of it. That being said, the anticipation doesn't come without fear, hesitation or reservation. But, as Chris said to me, "nothing in life does".

There are a lot of things I'm afraid of. But they'll always be scary - so, you have to take the leap of faith and believe God has a plan for you.

Zzzz

I'm perpetually tired. And I fall asleep in the most random places and the most random times now.

It's what I get for being sleep deprived at school, right?

I love that kind of sore.

Some people like to sit alone and not talk to people. There is nothing wrong with that. Being shy is not a bad thing either. I wish the world could remember that there is value in silence, being alone, and the introverts.

CHRISSSSSS

Missin that kid

My grandma in her days at byu. What a looker!

And see there, Heritage halls!

"Hey Pretty Girl" by Kip Moore makes me cry it's so so so sweet.

4.5 days <-- :D

Romantic Confessions

• I think I am in love with Chris
• I'm still hurt from Jordan
• I never moved on from Alex

How is that fair to Chris?
I'm a mess. My heart's a mess, rather.
And I'm terrified of what he'd think if he found out.

I don't even Iike pansies

But these are pretty :)

Weed whacking like a BOSS

Changes

In a year I want to be able to say this.

I want to set myself free.

Scawy

Every day with Chris is wonderful. Everything is natural and right and amazing.

But it's too good.

So good that its scaring me. People have started asking about a "future".

And it's come up in conversation between us as well.

I'm terrified.

Hoy goodness what if he is the one? What if this is it?

I just... We can't.. I'm so young... And it's so soon.. 

And I'm hyperventilating again.

I can't do this, guys. I'm panicking out of my mind.

Do you ever think about the stars?

Do you ever think about the stars?
How the light you're seeing is really ancient light traveling as quickly as it can from a now long dead star? Which means that when you look at the stars, in all their iridescent beauty, you're really looking into the past?
Because I do.
I think I want to be like a star. I want to shine so brightly that I light up the dark nights of those around me long after I'm gone. I want to light the way for others now and after I move on from this life. I want to be remembered. 

I want to leave an impact so great that I do not, can not, fade into oblivion.

"God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, but we are not. Each day, ours is the challenge to access the power of the Atonement so that we can truly change, become more Christlike, and qualify for the gift of exaltation and live eternally with God, Jesus Christ, and our families."

(Thanks Be to God - Russell M. Nelson)

Check this out

This is INCREDIBLE

Read and change

http://blog.thedefineschool.com/2013/05/what-i-have-to-say-we-are-the-parsons/

Baby girl and big dreams

I have been so sad all day long.
Largely due to the fact that my hormones are every where right now,
but also because I'm on the verge of boredom.
I don't tolerate boredom very well.
It makes me antsy and a little touchy.
I thrive on to-do lists and getting things done.
Productivity fuels me.
And it doesn't help that I spend a lot of my time trying not to miss Chris.
That's kind of sad-making.

When we went on a friend date in January :) Check out the creepy dude in the back. Love it.

------- nine days -------

until I get to see my honey again

2 hours and 45 minutes voluntarily cleaning the kitchen.

How the heck did Josh Hutcherson get so handsome?
Holy frick.

I get to see Chris in twelve days.
Holyyyyy excited :)

!!!!!!

I got the job

I don't like:
- long distance relationships
- talking on the phone
- missing people really really badly

This kid is making me do all of those things.

It's a miracle I never get pulled over because I'm secretly a speed demon.