I want hashbrowns. Now. Why are they not in my mouth?? What is wrong with this world?!

surprise!

I don't understand why we only have surprise parties for people on their birthday.

And, for that matter, presents and cards and ice cream cake.

Birthdays are dumb. It's not like the person in question did anything on that day years ago. Why are we celebrating them? Of course, it's nice to be recognized at least once a year, even if it's for something irrelevant to our current lives. But, why don't we celebrate the real things? I mean, why do we never throw surprise parties for people just because they're good people? Or write nice, heartfelt cards without an occasion. Just because they deserve to hear the kindness? Let's start buying flowers for more than just anniversaries and important dates. Let's give gifts and love and expressions of gratitude for friendship on more than just the day they were born years and years ago. Let's throw surprise parties because everyone deserves a little surprise and love.

Who cares about birthdays.

Everyday should be treated like a birthday.

My body is trying to sabotage me. It's staging a mutiny inside of me. An extremely painful mutiny.

I'm okay with the removal of my lower abdomen. Children are not worth this pain.

the words echo

I'm super spoiled.
From the Lord.
From Collin.
From my family.

My boyfriend is internationally accreditted as a gold standard with honors in ballroom dance.

That means he's really quite good.
Reeeallllyyyy quite good. :)

"And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child"

Unconditional love.
Is hard to give sometimes.
But, even when we're stupid and make mistakes and are petty and ridiculous, the Lord loves us.
I don't understand how. And I really don't understand why. I mean, we're all so dumb! Why would he want to give us second chances?! Smite us!!!

I'm trying so hard though. To give unconditional love. Collin and I got in a fight today. Haha, our first real fight. We're a real couple now! ;) Hhaha.

He made a mistake. An avoidable mistake that made me very upset. I didn't talk to him for a few hours {he didn't say anything either}. I took my time and after a while I was ready to be happy with him again. And I was. I was fine. I had forgiven him. Truly. We talked though and... the poor sweetheart was so angry. Angry at himself is what I think I gathered. So irrationally angry. It was difficult not to scream "how dare you act like you have the right to be angry?? That's my right!! Look what you did to me!" but I didn't.
I tried so hard to love him unconditionally.
I'm so human still. Because it was harrrrd. He was just being so dumb and it was making me upset. But I really tried!
We parted ways angrier than we met. I'm going to give him time to cool off but I really wish I could tell him right now, right now, that I'm not mad at him. I'm not mad at him. How he handled the situation was definitely in need of improvement and the mistake in the first place was disappointing. But I'm still giving him as much love as I can.



Yeah. This was an absurdly vague and obnoxiously cheesy post but I really needed to say that. Even when people frustrate you, love 'em. That's the moral of the story. Keep the love going.

My calculus lecture hall smells like cereal.
Cheerios, specifically.
Soggy cheerios.

the ideal Christmas gift for me

Job 37:8

In the pre-mortal existence you shouted for joy 

over the opportunity to come to earth, 

receive this body, and live through these trials.

Don't stop shouting for joy.

Live enthusiastically.

"If my heart were a house you'd be home."

First day of break? Slept in until eight :) Mmm yeah.

Once upon a time I discovered that I have the ability to be relentlessly determined when it comes to getting what I want.

love doesn't mean leaning

What Not To Wear: Collin Smith Edition

Shopping with Collin:
This is what my dear boy looks like on a daily basis. Minus those shoes. I picked those out. But, he normally wears a sports t-shirt, jeans, and this old sweatshirt.

So. I asked the kid if we could go shopping, and more specifically, play dress up. You have no idea how sweet this boy is. He kinda laughed, asked if I was joking, shrugged and said sure. He's so chill and willing to do anything to make me happy. I am so spoiled!
And a-shopping we went! To the mall! We started with shoes. Collin has one pair of shoes. One. I mean, aside from his pair of dress shoes and dance shoes {he's a ballroom dancer. how freakin fantastic right?!}, he only has one pair. And they're not my favorite We only got the picture above {forgot to take pictures of the shoes!!!} but I made him try on

• Sperry's
• Tom's
• Converse
• Van's
• Skechers 
• and a couple off-brands of random styles

I tried so hard to convince him to throw his pair out and get a nicer pair but the only thing he did was comment on how much he liked the Sperry's and one of the off-brands. And then say that not only were they way too expensive {touche}, but he wouldn't know what to wear them with.
Oh really?!
Well then. >:)
That's when I took him to five different stores and fed him clothes through the dressing room like crazy. First up, Cotton On.

I just really liked this shirt. :)

I was loving the three quarter length sleeves on him.
He has great forearms and it really brought it out.

See the awful shoes?! Gag.
I grabbed a couple of these long-sleeve-tighter-shirts to show him
that he can pull it off. He's tall and very slim and this style can work for him.
With better shoes.
And pants.

He and I were both diggin' this jacket.
The baggy style doesn't look good on him. It makes him look all lanky and awkward.
Tighter is better for him.
Like zees!

For a guy that has never worn plaid and scorned plaid, he looked pretty good in it!

Next was American Eagle and some... different.. styles than he was used to. >:)

skinny jeans! haha.
He was super hesitant. And for good reason because these are always a hit or miss with guys.
But, since he's so slim and tall it really wasn't too bad.
He could pull 'em off probably.
He acknowledged he looked good {once I paired it with a better shirt} but would probably never wear them otherwise.

look! that shirt looks great! he never would have got that himself!

he loved this sweater.
it looked better in person - this picture is bad.

We literally tried on dozens of things but these are a select few pictures. Sorry.
We went to a couple other places similar to American Eagle and experimented some more. We eventually ended up at this insanely nice and expensive clothing store with a name I don't remember. Express-something? *shrug* Since we were going to a wedding reception that night he wanted a new tie. I took over and he ended up trying on an entire outfit, not just a tie.
I went with the slim fitted "photographer" pants, an extra slim colored shirt, and a skinny tie. So stylish. So hip.

not diggin the purple but he loved the pants.

winner winner winner! he loved it all.

This is the kid that normally doesn't care what he looks like.
Look how good he looks! LOOK AT HIM!!!
He ended up buying both the shirt and the tie at this place but wouldn't tell me the price. Thank heavens, because it was terribly expensive and I would have flipped.
This is us later on that night at the wedding reception:

Yeah.

He looked good.
All thanks to me. ;)

Some days I love my calling. Some days I love my calling and it frustrates me. It's just hard relying on a network of people and delegation to get things done when people aren't always reliable and are, heaven forbid, human.
But, that's okay. In the grand scheme of things the Lord knows what's up and won't be terribly upset if we don't get our visiting teaching reports in on time.
And now, a thought for those of us going through hard times:

Playing dress up at the mall with Collin. This boy is so patient hahaha and brave!

This cracks me up because, generally speaking, it's pretty true.

Taco Bell? Semi-attractive man?

I'm in.

aaaaaand here we are

we're cute and we know it.

Going in for my third calculus exam this semester. I pray it isn't a failing grade again.

.Wow.

.How much life has changed in one year.

6 am temple trip to Draper with Sam in the snow.

It was actually a lovely morning. He's so sweet. We have a funny relationship. It started with us going on dates and then he friend-zoned me haha. I was super glad though because I have no romantic interest in him. But then about a week ago he decided to bring up how much he likes me and I had to reinforce that I just want to be his friend. He backed down and spent a day or two being awkward but in the end he said our friendship was worth way too much to him to lose it over our difference in feelings.

We hang out just about every other day and he is so great. Sweet, sweet Sam. :)

My dear internet friends I am so sorry about this extended hiatus!
Here's the updates on my life:

• Thanksgiving break needs to come now because I am so worn out! Still plugging along but ready to sleep in for once in three months.
• So, I kinda fell for my best friend and we'll probably start dating soon. Haha I did not see it coming but really, it's quite perfect. Collin and Mackenzie. We're pretty cute, not gonna lie. But, we'll see.
• Money is stressing me out because I have none! I spend more on rent, gas, and groceries than I make and byu decided to email me just now and say that I owe $2500 for next semesters tuition. With my financial aid that'll go down to about $1000. So... if I don't make a ton of money in the next month I'll be in debt. I swore to myself I would never be in debt. Thankfully, the Lord will provide.
• I still exercise every morning.
• I still work at the Creamery and LOVE IT.
• I'm on medication for my acne thank heavens {too much information, I know} and it's starting to work. By "work" I mean burning my face off with the ferocity of a thousand gallons of acid.
• I have no boots and it's begun snowing. There was a freakin snow storm this last weekend and I swear I almost killed something I was so angry. Haha, just kidding, I wasn't pleased with the snow but I made the most of it anyway. Definitely played in it with a cute boy from work. Definitely ate it. Definitely threw it at people.
• Basically. Life is perfect. I am happy. Heavenly Father is good.

<3

Today is the last of the missionary farewells. And in eleven months the homecomings will begin! Whoa!

Someone needs to explain why we get headaches. I've had this one for the last four days.

I enjoy spending every last cent of my paycheck and more on rent. It's the best part of my freaking day.

The Great Gatsby and the atmosphere of that time period reminds me of the Tokugawa period in Japan with the floating cities of Edo.