I'm so overwhelmed.
I've never worked a part-time job and been a full-time student. Last year I struggled through my classes and I wasn't working. So, you can imagine that taking two more classes than I was then and working has become excessively difficult for me.
I am struggling so badly. In everything. But, we'll focus on one area for now.
My calculus class has not only gone way over my head in application {it all makes sense in class. every freaking word.} but I am so far behind that it isn't worth it to catch up. If I stop for one minute I'm behind. So if I were to take two days and get caught up on learning the previous concepts I don't understand I'd miss learning the new concepts and doing the homework for the new stuff. If I were to just drop all of the old concepts and devote myself fully to learning the new stuff I'd still be behind because I need those as a foundation. It's really a lose-lose. It's not only that but the feeling that regardless of how much time I devote to it, I'm still not going to understand it. The feeling of inadequacy. Utter inadequacy.
Yeah, there's the usual condolences: it's just one class. C's get degrees. Gain some perspective and realize that it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
Well, here's my rebuttal. It is just one class. And C's do get degrees. And this grade won't matter in the long run. But, this is my life right now. I have invested literally everything I have to get here and succeed here. My education right now is my investment. You can tell a farmer, "don't worry, even though this seasons crop failed you have next season! Get a little perspective. This isn't the end of the world." That's his entire investment. His whole life. He can't afford to have a failed season. Sure, he'll survive but at a huge cost to his livelihood and family. I have to pass this class for my major. I can't fail it. It may not be the end of the world and I'm sure I'll still be mentally sound in twenty years, but this is my everything right now. This is my investment.