Currently on my way to Zion National Park to hike the narrows!!! If you had any idea how unbelievably out of my comfort zone this is you'd be super proud of me.

Feel Again

There are several different reasons I listen to what music I listen to.

1. I like the music. Not the lyrics, just the actual musicality of it. The beat, the sound, the instruments.
2. It's a feel-good song. Yeah, I have some sad songs but generally, I will get a song because it makes me feel good. Happy music!
3. I identify with it. The lyrics strike a chord in me and I totally know what the singer is talking about. Ya know? Maybe it's sad, maybe it's happy, I just get it.

Recently, I've become obsessed with this song.

It covers all three of the reasons I like songs AND it has pretty lights! I love lights! :D

"Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

I was recently talking with someone {who might just be related and might just have been referred to a couple blog posts ago.. but hey, not naming names} about politics.

He mentioned that he doesn't listen to a certain band any more because he found out they affiliated with a political party not his own, democratic {"those liberals", in his words} to be specific. This reminded me of the Chick-Fil-A incident a few weeks back and I stared at him incredulously, "that's so intolerant of you." He responded with "Intolerant?? Mackenzie. Do you know what those people believe? They're one step away from communism."

Holy.

Crap.

What kind of a world are we living in?!?!  There are so many problems with what your arrogant, narrow-minded brain just said!!! First of all, you're not going to listen to music by a certain band because they have a different opinion than you??? Oh, you're right, because I forgot how listening to music will brainwash you into agreeing with everything the band thinks regardless of the fact that their music has literally nothing to do with that. My bad! And besides, how could we possibly tolerate someone having a different opinion than us?! That just plain goes against the grain of American society as a melting pot completely!!! Heavens! Not to mention the fact that you actually said "the concept of democracy is practically socialism itself". I cannot believe how stupid you have to be to believe that. How the swear word do you get that?!? You're taking the middle left of the spectrum and throwing it all the way to then end! It's almost comical how ignorant that statement is!

I don't necessarily affiliate with any political party at the moment, I don't agree with parties. But, if I had to, I'd be hesitantly conservative. That being said, I have a good, dear friend that is totally liberal! Hard core! We get along so well. Heck, I practically dated him this summer. We respected that the other had way different opinions {and in some cases, identical} and still held each other in high esteem. I would never have said, "we can't be friends because you're a liberal" and likewise he would never have said "stop talking to me, you conservative freak." So, why is it okay for people to do that to each other all over the rest of the country? Why do people do this to themselves? I'm so sick of it.

My Daddy hurts my feelings so often.
I want to brush it off.
But it's my father for crying out loud.
He is so hurtful.

I'm not entirely sure how comfortable I feel sharing information about my financial situation online but I really want you to know about this.

I'm poor. Haha, I'm a college student, it's practically a requirement. I saved and saved over the summer but still wasn't sure if I'd have enough to pay for everything. I was awarded a scholarship in June {from a man that lives in Vancouver - it was a scholarship only for Clark County students!} that I was so immensely grateful for.  It helped a bit, along with the financial aid from the FAFSA, but after buying books, paying rent, paying the rest of tuition, and fitting myself into my shoebox apartment, I was still desperately lacking funds. A week ago I was down to $400. Rent is due September first {$250} and, although I rarely drive my car, I needed to fill my tank {$50}. Basically, I spent countless hours doing inventory over my budget and needs. I could live off of $100... if it really came down to that. But that could only last through the end of September. I had to find a job. I prayed and prayed and searched and searched and applied and prayed more and tried not to stress. The Lord would take care of me so long as I was doing all that I could. I knew the last pay-check from Bethesda was coming, but since I'd worked maybe ten hours that last week, I wasn't counting it into my funds. On Monday the check came through. $700. I could not believe it. Apparently the check covered the last two weeks I worked there, not just the last. That hadn't figured into my calculations.
The check could not have come at a better time. The next day I had to switch some of my classes which meant buying new books. And I still hadn't bought the required attire for my ballet class. Not to mention all the other little random things that come with starting school that you don't think about. So, as of yesterday I was sittin' stress-free at $500 but still on the job hunt because that wouldn't last forever.
Today, just like every day, I got on my knees and pray, pray, pray for a job to come through. And, if not a job, a miracle of some sort. I'm not just trying to live month-to-month, I'm crazy enough to try and save a little on the side too. Something has to happen.
I opened my bank account just now, to see if the bookstore's charge had gone through.
Instead of my bank account reading $500... it read $2,000.
$2,000.
The school refunded my tuition since my financial aid finally, finally came through. I didn't think it would. That's $1,500 in refund money.

I'm honestly speechless.

Let me just tell you, the Lord is aware of you. He has so much in store for you, if you'll just trust.

My heart is so full and I am so grateful.

I got called as relief society secretary and I am so so so excited :)

There are two things I would like to take note of

1. There are so many reasons the first day of school is awful. It's the first day of school. But the #1 reason, in my opinion, is this      "well, now that we've covered the syllabus, we're going to play a little get-to-know-you game!" Oh my gosh, why!?! So horrid. Tell us something interesting about myself? I am not interesting. I have nothing to say. Please do not put me on the spot like that. No one's going to remember our names and interesting facts anyway!!!
2. I'm the chick that would be in the quietest part of the library {dead freaking silent} and accidentally start playing a Downton Abbey clip from YouTube with her headphones not plugged in all the way. Again, oh my gosh, why!?! So horrid. Now everyone in the whole library knows that I'm an idiot and am in love with Downton. Hahhaha, oh geez.

how fun :)

So. Tired.

My roommate just said "reading men is harder than reading Isaiah."

Hahahahhaaha! That is the best line I've heard all day!

I did this with the kids! And although it looked nothing like the picture {Pinterest fail!} the kids and I had such fun doing it!

Today I made the most awesomest dinner {baked chicken, blistered green beans, and mozzerella toast} and my roommates were all like "oh man what smells good?! dang, you're such a good chef!" and I was all like "yeah, yeah, no big deal."
;)

What do you do when your classes suck really bad?

There are two classes, Music & Civilization and Archaeology of Europe, that I was pretty excited for this semester.

They were horrid.

In my music & civ class - - - Prof: "I want you to listen to this piece of music and describe the picture it evokes in your mind's eye."
Student: "I see a cathedral."
Other student: "I see young girls playing in a field near a large building."
Prof: "Good, good, keep going."
me: ..... O_o   This is gay.
That and I spent over $350 on books for this class alone. No.

And archaeology was very promising until the professor comes into the lecture hall and goes "welcome to archaeology of Europe! This class technically has no formal pre-requisites but if you haven't taken Anthro 111 or 132 you'll be having an extraordinarily difficult time." Well, geez! Thanks for lettin' me know! Still, I thought I'd stick with it and play catch-up with those who'd taken the non-pre-req-pre-reqs. Our first assignment was due tomorrow so I did it this afternoon and emailed it to her. I noted in the email that as I found the instructions a little vague the assignment might not be up to par but if she could take a look over it and let me know what corrections I needed to make. I get an email back saying my essay wasn't good enough at all and I probably shouldn't be in this class if I didn't understand certain archaeologic concepts.

So, dropped those two classes.

In their place I'm taking sociology {haha, skettccchhhh} and the history of asia. I don't like dropping and adding classes after the semester has started because then you're behind the second you start. BUT it's better than those crappy classes!

This is just the majority of things I had sprawled out on the library desk as I desperately attempted to keep up with all of the assignments my professors have already assigned me.

I also just applied to four on-campus jobs. Like a boss.
I'm a tad stressed and overwhelmed at everything on my plate. But I know college is an investment I can't miss out on. And said investment is requiring every ounce of my energy.
Thankfully, the Lord is blessing me daily with the tender mercies I can't live without. I am so immensely grateful for the life I've been given.

I get this a lot:
"Where are you from?"
"Vancouver Washington!"
"Oh, you're Canadian?"
"No, like Washington state..."
"Oh! I've been to Seattle!!"
"...Thaaaat's great."

First day o' school!
Got up at 530, ran to the gym, worked out for an hour, got ready for the day and went to my 9 o'clock class. Calculus seemed fairly promising, as I have a great professor. I'm already in love with my New Testament professors dry humor. Music and civilization was horrifyingly stupid and I really want to drop it. Archaeology seems really interesting but I'm not sure how good I'll be at it. After classes I went to an interview for Forever 21! A group interview.... scawwwy. I think I'm the second-best candidate for the job. We'll see. Anyway, off to do homework! First day and already workin'!

Barely on time for my first class, not wearing makeup, still feelin' good. :)

Philippians 4:11

Be content with the life you live. Don't be afraid to change if necessary, but don't waste your life wishing you were somewhere else, with someone else, or not yourself. Love the life you live.

FOOD

Five months ago I wouldn't have touched an onion. A tomato. Anything organic or whole wheat. I was raised eating normal American things. Frozen burritos, pizzas, take-out food, fast-food, cereal, condensed soups. My parents weren't necessarily unhealthy or anything, we had fruits and veggies in the house. I just didn't eat any of it. I was a picky kid and it followed me into teenager-hood. I never exercised. Somehow I got out of taking P.E. courses in high school and avoided exercise at all costs. For about three months I'd do sit-ups in the morning before seminary but that ended. I wasn't thin or fat but that was purely biology; I probably should have weighed more than I did. There was a short period of semi-anorexia where I wouldn't eat a couple meals. That dropped a few pounds but not in a good way. Generally though I was not a healthy or fit person.

Sometime last year I realized something. I guess I just realized that this body of mine is a gift. It is not mine. The concept of "I" is kind of messed up today, don't you think? Because "me" is not this body, "me" is the spirit inside of this body. This body will wither away and die one day, but I will not. And it is my responsibility to care for it while it's in my stewardship. I realized that one day my metabolism won't keep me thin and able to eat whatever. I realized that one day I'm going to age. I realized that I needed to make a change.

The change started with exercise. I started going to the gym every morning for an hour. When summer hit I was still working out in the morning but not as hard-core. Exercise felt great. My body was looking better, I felt stronger and more fit. But I still ate like crap. So, I changed.

Because everyone lies when they say making a change is hard. Making a change isn't hard at all. It's overcoming your head. Your head says you can't change. But if you fight that, you can change in an instant.

Now, I eat mostly organic, whole-wheat, good-for-you foods. And I try new things every day. Food is such a big playground, why limit yourself?

I feel so good now. I don't feel guilty about food and exercise. I feel so, so proud of myself!

Menu {as of today and yesterday - I should have started tracking before!}:

August 27, 2012

Breakfast: {oat, flax, berry smoothie} {cereal}

Lunch: {spinach, quinoa, feta cheese, and balsamic vinaigrette} {whole wheat toast with mozzerella cheese and tomato slices}

Dinner: {2 cinnamon rolls}

August 26, 2012

Breakfast: {oats, granola and bran flakes}

Lunch: {chicken sautéed with onion, tomato, garlic, and quinoa}

Dinner: {grilled brussel sprouts wrapped in turkey bacon}

My apartment has wi-fi but for some reason my laptop can't access it. So to get onto the internet I have to go onto campus {nine blocks north} or plug into the ethernet cord in a corner of my living room. Since my roommate I'm not so chill with usually hangs in the living room I don't like to use the internet there. Anyway, long story short, I use the internet like twice a day now. It's great! I didn't realize how much I relied on the internet for boredom and how much I can get done when I don't use it! Pretty cool.

Provo feels like opportunity and potential.
It also feels like loneliness. You're just one in a crowd of thousands, dearie, nothing special.

Please, darling, don't lose your smile.

Back on the hunt for a job.

Dear Provo,
Please employ me. I swear that I'm great and hard-working.
Love, me.

Today:
I got up at seven, jogged to the gym {almost died}, worked out for an hour, and came home. I ate breakfast and got ready for the day. By ten thirty I went to WAL-MART {always capitalize. always.} and spent a crap load of money. Once home I ate a delicious salad and unpacked almost all of my stuff. Then I took a nap and went to my interview. Interview sucked. So I went to Jenny's and we made dinner! Tilapia and rice with broccoli and green beans. Try something new every day! Afterward I went to a yogurt party at my apartment complex {I was super scared to go but was so glad I did}. Then I helped a friend move his massive bean bag all the way across Provo {that consisted of me lounging across the bean bag on the back of his truck while driving}. Then I hung out in his apartment for a while.
SUCH A GOOD FRIDAY NIGHT.

At a party. Crap life is good. :)

every other day of my life

This morning I put $100 {the last of my cash} into my bank account. Just spent all but $2 of that at walmart.

The pain D:

Do I feel okay?

Mentally, oh totally! Emotionally, yep, I'm great. Spiritually, fantastic.

Physically... no. I mean, my body is tearing itself up on the inside right now. Do you really think that doesn't hurt?! No big, I'm just curled in a ball on the floor, trying to keep from vomiting I'm in so much pain, waiting for the pain killers I took two hours ago to actually do something.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

How I feel about people using my soap and other shower things.

Also, I just really, really love Arrested Development so this gif is automatically awesome.

First day back to the gym after 4 months of purely in-home exercises. Result? I'm shaky, sore, and thoroughly pleased.

I see all these girls around me so focused on their social lives and I feel a tad sad that I don't have a ton of friends. But I'm far too focused on being excited over my health, education, and future to worry about it. I have priorities and goals. Nothing is going to stop me, not even my own heads wishing and envying.

It's odd settling into a foreign bed knowing you'll be sleeping in it for the next nine months.

Today Julie and I went on a $20 Challenge.
Basically you go to DI, or Goodwill or whatever, and see how many cute clothes {or things you need} you can get for $20 and under. I so won.
Anyway, on the way home we got in this huge fight. She yelled at me all the way home. I was shocked. It was really just a misunderstanding and I feel super bad about it now. But she went off on me. Man that was odd.
I also went and hung out with Jenny! I love that girl. I met her a year ago today! So grateful I did. She is so, so wonderful. <3

I have an interview

So here's how it all happened.
This morning I'm all "it's a new day! A new day to spend fruitlessly hunting for jobs! Yay."
That takes me to the world wide internet where I click "next" a million times before coming to a job on the jobs website that I'm qualified for and fits my schedule.
Custodial work. 4 pm - 8 pm.
Well. Since I've applied for everything out there and nothing seems to be working surrrrre why not.
The application called for my resume {went ahead and attached that for the thousandth time} and the answers to three questions. 1. Why would you be a good fit for custodial work? 2. Give an example of your attention to detail. 3. What is the funnest thing you did this summer?
Armed with sarcasm due to a haunting feeling that no one actually reads the email applications I send out and confusion as to whether or not the word "funnest" really existed or my mind was playing tricks on me... I sent it in.
My application was 100% honest, despite the fact that my mother always tells me to fabricate on applications {I'm sure that's good advice and what everyone else does but I can't bring myself to do it}. My application was also over the top enthusiastic. "Gee, I just love cleaning buildings!!! :D" There were more exclamation marks in that baby than in any peppy texts I've sent out in the last month combined.
I did not expect a reply.

Well, just a short four hours later the guy emails me saying "I love your enthusiasm! Can you make it to an interview tomorrow?"
Why, yes. Yes, I can.
And that is how, through exhaustion, honesty, and enthusiasm, I nailed an interview in four hours.

That was the worst banana I've ever tasted.
In other news, my apartment has grown on me and now I really, really love it!!!

"Was I born like this or am I a messy bi-product of a materialistic society and my own family's mistakes?"

"We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to be."
-Richard G. Scott

Thank you byu for tacking on another charge to my account after I JUST finished paying my last one. There goes all of my savings.
Financial stress. :(

I'm in Utah!

And:

• my Dad is driving me nuts already
• my apartment looks unbelievably crappy and cramped
• I took the Office Skills test and am still looking for a job
• it's a million degrees at all times 

..... I couldn't be happier!!!

"When you love somebody that much, that hard, that long.. you can't get away from them."

I'M BACK ON CAMPUS!!!
ahh, welcome home :)

Such a good summer :) and now, on to the next adventure!

"Onward ever; backward never"

Packing

Packing

Packing

Packing

Packing

So many goodbyes.
I don't really mind. I've learned that no goodbye is permanent and a new hello is always waiting somewhere.

I hate fifteen year olds. Could they be any worse to live with? doubtful.

Two days until I leave! :D

And I'm done.

In 4 1/2 hours I'll be done working here forever. I love these individuals and working here has been an incredible experience.
It's time to move on though.

Hello 5 am.
You know those nights when you're anticipating waking up early so you can't sleep? Well add that to the three hours of sleep I got the night before and you have one tired, headache-d, miserable Mackenzie.

Somewhere a job waits for me, and me alone, as only I possess the qualities and skills just right for it. Unfortunately this job decided to hide deep inside a cave on the inside of a mountain. Know what? No. This job is in Mordor. And we all know that one does not simply walk into Mordor. That's how hard this job is to get to. AHHHHHHGGHFHCRUCSHVKLVFD.

Truer words have never been uttered.

Plans have changed, dear internet friends.

Instead of leaving on Friday and stopping several times along the way, I'm leaving Sunday and making two short stops!

Sunday after church I'm going with mom {rather than the fam, sad} to La Grande. We're going to stop and have dinner with Grandma and it's back on the road to Boise! We'll stay the night at Dusty's in Boise and then get up early Monday to hightail it straight to Utah! And that, cyber-people, is how I'm going to spend this next weekend.

Then I'll spend Monday with Mom until her flight at seven, Tuesday with Dad, Wednesday I'll move in, Thursday I'll party... and so on.

I've decided through much trial and error that the hour between 3 am and 4 am is the MOST BORING OF THE ENTIRE DAY OH MY GOSHHHHHHH

For the last three days I have been so disoriented. What day is it?!

I got hit on by two really hot guys today. That was very flattering. :)

Day at Seaside with the kids. :) Elephant ears, bumper cars, sand castles, arcade games, and tons o' fun.

You know that phrase, "fake it till you make it"?

Here's the thing.

It really works.

Four days, four days, four days :)

It's gonna be up in the 90's all week. Wahhhhhh :(

"Here's the interesting thing about...labels. 

None of them is really me. 

How do I know that? Because labels change. The come and go and come back again, but I'm still here." 

-Amanda Dickson 

I always get a headache after I swim.
How odd, right?

Today Morgan asked me if I was sad summer was over and I was going back to school.

"Here's the thing, Mick. Summer's going to end whether or not I like it. Time doesn't stop. So, I can either be sad that it's ending and I have to say goodbye, or I can make the best of it and be happy for the new opportunities provided me. Being sad over something inevitable is pointless. You gotta make the best of it, babe."

yogurt-less smoothies

Morgan and I found some frozen berries in the freezer and were craving smoothies but...

 there was no yogurt.

What did we do?!

Pulled out our handy dandy internet!!!

Found this great recipe here {poorly named website..} and tried it out.

It called for ice, berries, protein powder, oats, flax seed, and orange juice. All stuff we had! It turned out delicious! I was exceptionally pleased. Thank you, internet. Thank you.

'We are no longer the stars. We are the sun, burning bright'

Julie came home for the week!!! It is so good to see someone you love after so long. :)

Since I'm an idiot and made mostly guy friends when I went off to school this last year, I have to say goodbye to them all as they go off on missions!

Super sad.

Actually, it hasn't been terribly hard to say goodbye to anyone except my ex {but, duh, what girl hasn't been heartbroken sending her own missionary off}. I've really been fine with it. A little sad at first and then totally fine. Haha.

BUT. I think I'm going to cry like a little baby when Mitch leaves. Oh heavens he is the best. I'm pretty sure that he and I were best friends in the pre-mortal life.

me: "Haha, why are you naked Avery? You shouldn't be naked unless you're taking a shower or something!!" {which is something of an odd statement because in my home there is always at least one person somewhat undressed or partially nude}
Morgan: "Yeah, or unless you're kissing your boyfriend. Then you get naked to kiss."

HOLY SWEAR WORD WHAT ARE THE THIRD GRADERS TELLING EACH OTHER THESE DAYS.

I'm so disturbed by this statement that came from my innocent 9 yr-old sisters mouth. Kaila and I started screaming at her. *shudder* Oh baby girl..

Me: "it's multi-purposed! it has one more than one thing it does."
grant: "like me! I'm made for eating, sleeping, AND watching tv!"
wow.

What I do on my day off? I entertain my brother and sisters. Not because I need to, I want to. I love these turds so much. :)

Middle of summer. Upwards of eight degrees. Kaila's dying of heat and has our a\c unit cranked. I...have six blankets piled on me.

true story.

Well I upset my Dad {he even called me names, how mature and fatherly} but I got what I want. Cheap car insurance that I pay for.

Angry Ranting to Follow

"Why do you have to try and be so independent??!?!"
"Dad, you realize that most parents have to try and get their kids to be MORE independent, right?"
"Independent is one thing. An island is another."


What... the.. heck...?
How on earth does my refusing financial help from him mean translate into isolation? Just because I'm not taking your money does not mean that I'm going to stop talking to you and the world or something.
Am I the only one that thinks this text doesn't really make sense?

I once semi-dated a guy that looked like a less attractive Rob McElhenney. Which is exactly why I semi-dated him.

Since I've worked two doubles and a regular shift over the last three days {Monday was swing and grave, Tuesday the same, and today just swing} my sleeping patterns are a wee bit messed up. Here it is 2 am and I can't sleep. When I can't sleep I do one of several things. Get up and walk around, write in my journal, scour Pinterest for crap I don't need, Facebook stalk, or cry. I'm one of those weird people that cry when they're so ridiculously tired they could drop dead but can't sleep regardless. Anyway. Tonight I decided to go outside. 

Today was one of those perfect days where it's warm and sunny and beautiful and breezy. Naturally night would be just as beautiful, I assumed. I assumed correctly! I went into my grandparents fabulous backyard {at 2 am, mind you. the time of night when scary bad guys and monsters come out} and stood in the grass happy to be alive {not necessarily happy to be awake though}. As I was reflecting on how the moonlight makes the world legitimately look like a black and white film {has anyone else ever thought about that?!}, I heard a noise. It sounded like a pile of pots and pans had fallen out of a tree and onto a metal cage.. or something. It scared the crap out of me, needless to say {see above remark on scariness at 2 am}, and I jumped really high. Since it was dark {duh} I couldn't really see where the sound was coming from exactly but knew that the other side of the patio held the culprit. 

Just then I remember Grandpa's cage. He has this squirrel problem in his beautiful backyard. There's like five living in this one tree and eating all of his stuff. Or something like that. So he set out a cage to catch them and then humanely release them into a forest outside town. Thus far, I hadn't heard of his cage being successful. Well. Tonight it was. And this squirrel was pissed. Once I realized the terrified sound coming from the other side of the patio was just a squirrel in a cage, I turned on the porch light. The light triggered something inside that little squirrel and it went nuts. It was hissing, hissing, at me! Along with running in circles in the cage and slamming itself repeatedly into the walls! I realize that squirrels in cages aren't dangerous. They're in cages. But when it's 2 am, murderers' favorite time, you're tired, it's dark-ish, and a rabid-acting squirrel is trying to attack you through its wire prison, I don't care who you are, you're gonna be scared. I was probably more scared than most, leaping up the steps into the house and ferociously sliding the door shut, but still, I was fairly brave. I didn't even scream. :)

This morning I went out to check on the squirrel {in broad daylight} and what did I see?

Grandpa shot the squirrel.

He lied to me.

This will be me someday!

I will walk.

This is me declaring to the world right now that I will graduate college.

High school was a given; college is an option.

And I'm graduating.

Mackenzie, what were doing up until nearly two this morning? Partying? Watching movies?

Uh... Coupon-ing.. Actually..

"Pick me. Always. Because I will always pick you."

You can have all the training in the world but when you're in the moment things aren't gonna go the way you trained. Circumstances aren't controllable.

There's a reason no one alive should work two back to back double shifts. It results in ME. Making med errors and forgetting protocols.

I feel like everyone else can find a job so easily. And then there's me.

You know what I'm going to have to do, don't you? Resort to standing on the side of freeway on-ramps with a sign that says "betcha can't hit me with a quarter". See how much money I make doing that.

Of the last 48 hours.. I've worked 32.

I'd never heard of handball until watching the Olympics just now. What an odd sport!

Cravings: Domino's pizza, TACO BELL, Baconator from Wendy's, flat bread pizza from Carraba's, smoothies, really good fried chicken, a panini, McDonald's fries.

Oh my goodness. Could it be??
I actually like shrimp. I like it! I made a shrimp ceasar salad and it was DELICIOUS.
Learn somethin' new everyday. :)

Do you pay tithing on what your income is before.. Or after.. Taxes? Just, ya know, wondering.

Look at all these cute couples! I want a boyfriend! :(

wait. No. Noooo I do not.

Oh. I have a huge crush on Chen Yibing now. Did you see that wink?!? I had no idea I would be so attracted to Chinese gymnasts. My my. c:

Aw, so proud to be American :)

'merica.

Watching the Olympics at three am is actually pretty cool. Even if I don't want to be working a graveyard right now, this is cool.

Working swing shift all five days this week.
Aggghhhh.
But! The countdown has begun! Only ten {maybe eleven} days of work left! YEAHHHH!

If you can grow a beard - I applaud you.
And love you.

In case you didn't know, Sam Worthington is actually my favorite actor. Occasionally I have other actor-crushes but he is my long-standing love.
Don't recognize the name?
He was in:

• Terminator Salvation
• Avatar
• Man On A Ledge
• Clash of the Titans/Wrath of the Titans

Yeah. You better recognize his ruggedly handsome face now.
That's my man.

Well... here's to another couple hundred applications sent out. I pray something will come through. I need some money, ya see.

"You're amazing. You just need to sell yourself and everyone will love you and shower you with jobs." <-- that's what makes Jenny such a good friend. :)

Hahahha! How many times have I thought this? ;)

oh my gosh. what the swear word am I going to major in...

I have a little something I like to call a Walgreens-addiction.

I'm kind of in love with Walgreens. And when I drive past it. . . . I can't help but stop and go inside. Even if it's just to walk around and smile at things.

But usually I buy something.

Usually something inexpensive and completely unnecessary.

I love Walgreens.

thoughts in my head right now

1. I don't know what people did before A/C. Today was one of the five days over 100 degrees the pacific northwest has each year. It almost killed me.
2. My cousin just had her second baby... and I'm feelin' awful baby-hungry now. In my defense, this time of the month always does that to me.
3. Speaking of the time of the month in which I am hormonally challenged, I shouldn't be allowed to have money on my person. I spend it when normally I would save. But only when I'm all pms-y.. odd huh?

The air show is a freakin pain. Road closures, traffic, idiots staring at the planes while driving and almost crashing...
but
it is really cool to watch them jets fly overhead. :)

Ohhhh poor Julie :(
She and I both have this awesome talent of reeling the guys in but aren't able to keep them interested. The poor girl's been at school all summer so this has really been hitting her. The latest guy pulled the "let's be friends" card after holding her hand and cuddling and crap. The newest one acted really interested and then she found out that he's kinda got a girl already. A girl that waited for him while he was on his mission. They're practically married! Haha. But she's home for the summer and he's at school so why not have a fling with Julie, right? Except that Julie doesn't want a fling.

Anyway. Boys are dumb. End of story.

In four years the Olympics will be hosted in Rio de Janeiro!!! Yet another manifestation that I need to go there.

I saw a nutria. On my birthday. It was pretty gross. And ugly. And cool. Like a beaver crossed with a rat. Sitting outside Red Robin. Chillin in the grass.

I never thought of it like this:
"conformity is the death of imagination"
Huh.


Interesting still is that it was being used in reference to our body image. The author was saying that when we try to make our bodies fit the stereotype, the popular look, we are killing our imaginations for what we could look like. I feel that's a bit of a reach but still something very, very good to think about.

It's one am and all I want to do is play the piano.

Sleeping bodies... Ear plugs perhaps?

Million Dollar Baby is literally one of the saddest movies I have ever seen.
Never again.

"Somewhere between nowhere and goodbye..."

So, basically... I went to work in a great mood. Ready to take it out and start the weekend! Woo! Well I'm cooking dinner and suddenly my head starts throbbing. I mean migraine material to the max. And I was shaking really bad. That's when I noticed that even though it was over 85 degrees and I was cooking over a hot stove I wasn't sweating and didn't feel hot at all. Thought that was weird.. and then I threw up. At work! Oh I was so embarrassed. Who does that?! Ugh. :\ So normally the situation would have required me to find an on-call employee to cover the rest of my shift {apparently they frown upon employees staying at work while vomiting everywhere} but I am an on-call. The only one left. Hahaha. We're so understaffed that I've been covering swing shift and whatever else needs to be covered. There was no one to call! So my boss was notified and she came in to cover it, although a little begrudgingly. I went home, downed a glass of water, slept for two hours, and ate four slices of pizza - the first thing I could find when I woke up.

It has been an interesting evening.

Ah, heat exhaustion induced vomiting. How fun.

After the past few days of paying rent,

buying books,

and wasting gas

...

I'm really

really

terrified to look at my bank account balance.

The Buenos Aires Argentina Temple is open for public tours until Aug. 25, 2012.


Guess I'm makin' my day down to Buenos Aires.


And I shall hit Rio de Janeiro while I'm in that hemisphere! They're only like 2,700 km apart...

I leave for Provo in little more than two weeks. :) STOKED.

Sometimes I look at the people surrounding me and envy that they know what they're going after. Jenny just got accepted into the business school and is well on her way to fulfilling her dream. Julie has been on her way since we were fourteen and will go off to grad school in just a year. Corbin knows what he wants and is steadily working toward it, he's already done internship-stuff for it too.
Everyone knows what they're in school for. Except me. I know that I need to continue my education, but they don't look fondly on students taking a million credits and never graduating with anything. I've been in school for a year and am where all my friends were their junior and senior years of high school.
I should probably just close my eyes and put my finger down on the major catalog, blindly choosing the next three years of my life.
I am very frustrated.

I love flowers. :) Especially from my best friend! Spent the day with Collin and had such fun. Lovely day off. :)

"I'd give up chocolate but I'm no quitter." hahahahahaa!!! :D

"The fools. They live only so they can die."

I'm an all-in kinda girl. Once it's begun, my heart's in it till the end. And even after.

A curse and a gift, really.

fantastic new pick-up line:
let's make out like bandits.

HAHA :D

Sometimes when I get off work I get so excited that I jump, skip, and dance down the block to my car. YEAHHHH

Stadd has started running! Oh my gosh!
I find it super crazy that just after I posted on my blog about my exercise and clean eating he mentions that he's recently started running.
This is so awesome! Now he and I can boost each other up! I hate running though. With all of my heart. When I work out I do as little cardio as possible, haha, mostly just strength training. I'm a pansy. :) When I do run it's only on treadmills. Something about running outside makes my teeth hurt... and my lungs... definitely my legs too...

Hello August. :)
I'm really determined to eat healthier this month. This year. The rest of this life.

I don't calorie count. I tried once and it felt so stupid. I don't limit what I eat. If I'm hungry, I'm going to go ahead and eat until I'm full. I just try and make better choices about what I eat. Not when or how much, just what I eat.

This morning for breakfast I made myself a peanut butter, honey, and oat sandwich. Wheat bread, Adams all-natural crunchy peanut butter, pure honey, and straight up oats. Not to mention a glass of milk.


For lunch I had a cranberry walnut salad. Spinach, romaine lettuce, walnuts, cranberries, flat bread crumbles, and raspberry vinaigrette. With a Naked berry veggie juice. {I bought the salad and the Naked juice at Albertson's for like $5-6 bucks. I'd rather buy all the ingredients bulk and make it myself for much cheaper but I was in a rush today!}


I'm pretty proud of myself thus far but, haha, it's only been a day. Granted, I've been eating healthier all summer so this isn't much of a change - just a longstanding goal written down. :) My biggest problem is that I'm not a fan of many vegetables or fruits. But I've found a lot of neat recipes and tricks to get them suckers down into my system. ;) A huge thing I'm trying to remember is to drink more water! Especially with how much I work out {at least an hour every morning}, I need to be drinking more water. I gotta get more.


This is not a diet. This is a lifestyle change. This is me realizing that my body will not keep functioning at its maximum if I don't treat it right. This is me taking responsibility for what I've been given.


Little disclaimer though: I still will not turn down Taco Bell or ice cream. No amount of clean eating will take away my dirty little guilty pleasures.

Water polo is so insane!!!!

I know what I want and I promise you I will get it.

never, dear, never

Unfortunately though, I really like the smell of cigarette smoke. It brings back childhood memories. Playing in the pool at grandpa Arizona's house. Diet Coke and Stadd. Pool tables and slot machines. I wouldn't ever intentionally be around someone that was smoking so that I could smell it for the memories or anything, haha, but whenever I happen upon that smell, I take it in for a second. And then I run away coughing and screaming, positive I'll die of secondhand smoking. ;)

you gotta keep hope

It could be that it's past midnight and I'm deliriously tired...
or this could seriously be one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
You decide.
It's captioned "goats are jerks".
I give you....

The fact that my grandparents sleep naked every night doesn't bother me. Too much. I mean, whatever, ya'll are in your room so you can do what you want. It does bother me when my nude grandfather goes in to the bathroom just as I'm coming out of it in the middle of the night.


O_O


You can't erase some things.