For work we got to take all the ladies to this awesome pizza place tonight. And I don't have to pay :)

I want to watch Dead Poets Society. My poor, uncultured soul has yet to see it.

I do believe.. that everyone on this earth has been given their own trials, according to their needs and capabilities.
Some were given physical trials. Handicaps, health problems, disabilities. Some were given temptations in the form of addictions like alcoholism, pornography, drugs. Tons of us have anger management problems to overcome. Some people were given struggles in the form of financial crisis, divorce, or death. And there are some people who were given a sad heart. There are many that struggle to overcome depression. It isn't who they are - I wholeheartedly believe that. I believe that every human on this earth is, at heart, a joyful, hopeful being {2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy"}. They don't choose to be sad. There are just some that were given the burden of a sad heart. No, they shouldn't let it constrain them, and they should try their hardest to be happy and overcome that depression, but we shouldn't be so hard on them. I shouldn't be so hard on those that are struggling. I mean, once upon a time, I was one of those people. I overcame it and have moved on to new trials.
I guess.. all I want to say, is be kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't hard.

I'm sitting here watching the Olympics - mens volleyball to be specific - and suddenly I recognize that there are cheerleaders in the background..    ...why are there cheerleaders?!?

Gmail does this really friggin cute thing where if I check my email at, say, 9 am and then 10 am I have absolutely nothing but then I check it at, say, 4 pm and it will have an email from 8 am suddenly sitting there like it was just there the whole time hangin' out, waiting for me to find it. Yeah. So adorable.

I think I'm actually in love with Brit's diver Tom Daly. Real love. Ohhh ohhh ohhh true love.

Men's diving is a legitimately dangerous Olympic sport. I was so distracted by their perfect bodies and amazing skill that I walked into a wall passing the tv.

People are always leaving. That used to be a bad thing. Now, I am learning to accept it. After all, when someone walks out of your life, it creates an opportunity for someone new to walk in. Every goodbye means a new hello somewhere down the road.
Unless you're on a deserted island and your only companion died. In that case.. probably no more new hellos for you.

:::always:::

I'm slowly learning and re-learning how to make friends. :) It's so fantastically exciting.

look what the Olympics have done to me..

I live such an American life.
Yesterday I went to work at the concession stand. The concession stand was at a car show. Afterward I drove home blaring country music with the windows down and wind blowing through my hair. I swam in the pool in my backyard. I ate hot dogs that my dad barbecued on our grill.


Maybe that doesn't scream USA to you.. but that just feels American-dreamy to me. And I like it. :)

Always In the Middle


A fantastic speech to remind you no matter where you are in life, the beginning, middle, or end, that we are always in the middle of our vast eternal lives.
Remember.. Forever - is composed of Nows.

"   Frame your life with faith   "

Thomas S. Monson

birthday picture

'09

'10

'11

'12

Do you ever look back on the people you dated and go...

"what was I thinking.."

If I bought all of my books new this semester it would cost me $406

I seriously hate this crap. I'm already spending a ton on tuition and rent. This is probably going to be the death of me.

My body is trying to kill me. From the inside out. Aaaaghhhh..


So, if I take a cold medicine that has alcohol listed as, like, the fourth ingredient.. am I going to get drunk...?!!? Such an accident. Oh geez.

Being able to breathe freely is one of those little things I take for granted when I'm not sick.


CONGESTION KILLS.

"Free bracelets for a dollar!"
I don't think he understands the concept of free.
Hillsboro Fair. :)

Sometimes letters are just crappy.
"Te quiero". Not acceptable.

I'm sick. I want to rip my nasal cavity out.

I made fantastic plans for tomorrow! They weren't quite what I wanted, but I can work it. ;) Jake is taking me out to brunch {he actually really wanted to, I didn't have to ask.. kind weird} and then Collin and I are going to the fair! Yeah, then I have work at three but the morning will be great! Pretty excited. I love the fair and brunches and food and friends and sunshine and this summer.

It's 11:40. I got home from work 30 minutes ago. I immediately sat down, ate a slice of cheesecake, and wasted time on the internet. I'm going to regret this in the morning when I'm tired and have a stomach ache.

Aaaaaand now I have work. Part of me wants to get back to school so bad so I can get away from work and get back into my own place. But the other part of me doesn't want to leave my family again or the awesome social life I have here {not to mention my summer flings!!!}. So I'm pretty torn.
Know what's great though?
I've been developing this trait of being content with wherever I am. No use wishing you were elsewhere. I'm working on being happy where I stand. So, when it is time to leave, I'll take a deep breath, say a hesitant goodbye, and not look back. It'll be okay. :)

I was sick and nothing extraordinarily crazy happened

But today was a darn freakin good day to have a birthday

And yeah, I was happy

I love Jonah Hill. Oh geez.

Gosh. Happy freakin birthday me :)

Guess guess guess guess guess

what I got for my birthday!!!!!!!!!

A cold.

Don't expect anything and you'll be pleased with everything.

Happy birthday to me.

:)

I don't understand why more people don't spontaneously eat ice cream. That's the best way to eat it.

As you can tell... I live life on the edge.

5 1\2 hours folks!!! I have survived eighteen years thus far, let's see if I can make it to nineteen!

I shall place this into effect tomorrow and continue to do so for.. ever. :)

Skyping with Jenny pretty much made my day. I can't wait to get back to Utah and see her. <3

When I'm back in Utah I need to make friends with people with a boat. I miss boating. I miss tubing. I miss getting burnt.

I just wanna eat all the food I want and not get fat. Is that really too much to ask?!

Crap. Working saturday too this week. Blaaargh.

Today is my last day of being eighteen. There has never been a year in my life where SO MUCH has happened.
Cuh-razy.

Last day of being eighteen, kiddos. :)

I don't care much for politics {though I feel obligated to} or the arguments and negativity that stem from them. But this cracks me up.

I don't really have a viewpoint on gun control and stuff, but this kind of hits home with me.
In fact, I don't even know if I have a political standing on anything at all. Democrat, republican, liberal, conservative, independent.. I don't know. I actually hate the concept of party loyalty. It detracts from loyalty to principles and morality. And creates a ton of hatred. *Shrug* I guess if I was anything it'd be conservative with strong liberal undercurrents. Oh, heavens, who knows. Maybe I'm a nothing. That's it. I'm a nothing that believes in everyone being nice to everyone else.

Mikey from The Goonies is Sam from Lord of the Rings.
Mind=blown.

I think Rob McElhenney is one of the most awesome and attractive people ever but no one else even knows who he is. Come on people!!!

Confession time!
I'm a grammar nazi and a Pinaholic.
My eye catches spelling and grammatical errors like crazy and I am so in love with Pinterest it isn't healthy.
That's kind of a bad combination. Because when I see people who pin things that they made, like this:

my stomach twists into knots of horror and disappointment.


Come to think of it, it's not just on Pinterest that I see that one. Fairy tail. Do you people even know what a "tail" is?!?! I see that and then I start picturing cute little fairies with mermaid tails.. or cat tails.. a fairy with a bushy raccoon tail popping out behind.. How odd. So, maybe I should be congratulating these people! I mean, right in the middle of their ordinary life love gave them the tail of a fairy. Wow. That's never happened to me.

Reasons anime is stupid:
1. No one looks even remotely like that.
2.
3.
4.
5. Back to #1

Have you ever noticed that the word "applause" looks like "applesauce"?
*heehee*         c:

I went to the dentist this morning.
Dentists/orthodontists/anyones hands in my mouth = not good.
This morning they stuck a needle in my mouth too and gave me some freakin shots. That's two things I am not fond of!
Every time I go to the dentist they accidentally cover up my nose with their hands. My nose being the only way to breathe while said hands are in my mouth. It makes for a very uncomfortable few seconds of hyperventilation.
I hate going to the dentist.

I'm just going to say ...
Mondays suck so much no matter what you're doing.
I got a lot done today and my birthday is coming up and life is really great and all. So, I should be happy. And, I guess I am, under the surface of "blah". But, really, Mondays are just so awful! 

so true

I woke up this morning with two things on my mind:
1. I want to go back to sleep more than anything in the world
2. Humans are prrrretty dumb. Pretty dumb indeed.

Mormon 1:26

It would be a terrible mistake to go through life thinking that people are the sum total of what you see.


-Mols

I seriously, seriously miss having BYU Creamery ice cream at my fingertips at all times.
Oh, cravings!!! Jenny, send me some ice cream pretty please!!!

Jeffrey R. Holland

This, my friends, is an inspirational piece. One to be read and re-read again and again!

Lessons to be learned:

• Why should you be jealous because I choose to be kind?
• Coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image.
• However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love.
• We are not diminished when someone else is added upon.
• There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized.

There is so much pleasure to be found in comforting another human.
It may be hard, but there is peace in bringing peace to others.

Once the nickname "cuddle slut" was applied to me.
I literally have to hold myself back from hugging and cuddling those close to me. It's difficult to refrain.

Found a dollar bill underneath the passenger seat in my car! It's like the prize in the cereal box of life!!! :D

I just don't understand why the Kardashians are famous.

I'm not sure I can adequately describe how much I love my best friend Mitch Young. Or the fact that he has a blog that only I can read. Both are fantastic. Both hilarious.

Awesome day at Saturday Market with Mike. He almost got peed on by a dog. Soooo fantastic.

Looks like my burfday's gonna have b-e-a-utiful weather!

Also, the tragedy in Aurora has my heart breaking for them. That is so awful. :(

I hung out with Collin and Shamele this afternoon.
They're great guys. I've been friends with them for at least the past seven years, a little more for Shamele. We all get along so well and they're a ton of fun. And Shamele has the body {not the face} of  a Hindu god. Or something like that..
But they have a very, very different lifestyle than me.
Their mantra is sex, drugs, and alcohol. That's what they live for. We were at Shamele's house and they were talking about who was sleeping with who in the circle of friends, who had the hashish and how much, and when the drinks were coming out. Even though I've been around my friends while they're intoxicated {never while in the process of getting inebriated} I don't like it. I asked them to be safe and not do too much of anything and then I left.
It just makes me so sad.
That's the highlight of their Friday night. They're going to get drunk, get super high, and then have sex. What a life. They think they've got it made, their lives are perfect. And I can't help but think, what are they living for?

That bowl full of raw cookie dough was delicious. And it made my stomach really really angry.

I like waking up at eight every morning and starting my day off right. I just woke up. It's eleven. What on earth? HahaHa

I'm in the midst of something of an anxiety attack due to my financial state. How is this all going to work?!
I'm putting my trust in the Lord and working as hard as I can - what else can be done?

I was with Collin today and telling him about something I was going after. His eyes get big and he goes "when Mackenzie wants something.. She gets it."
Yep. >:)

This afternoon I had the pleasure of going on one of THE most thoughtful dates I have ever been on courtesy of Corbin. How many guys go to the trouble of remembering your favorite flowers, drinks, places, and things to do?!?! Seriously. And I got a great nap cuddled up to him. Naps are always good. Naps in manly men arms? Better.

STORM! LIGHTENING! LIGHTENING! YESSSSSS. I love summer storms. With all my heart and soul. Xoxo.

Aside from religious reasons, you know why I won't ever get a tattoo?
Would you put a bumper sticker on a Porsche?
You gonna graffiti that Porsche?
Maybe some classy flames up and down that Porsche?

No. You wouldn't.

This body of mine.. It's a fricking Porsche.

I'd marry Wayne Brady in a heartbeat.

"Look at my arms, Stadd. So killer. Feeeeel!!!"
"Yep. Like jello in seran wrap."

hahahahaa I seriously love Stadd. He's so funny. :)

Life is like this:
when you drop your phone, you don't go, "well crap, I dropped it, better get rid of it," and then smash it with a hammer and toss it out. You pick it back up!
Same goes for life. Same goes for dieting. Same goes for auditioning. Same goes for working out. Same goes for schooling.
When your car starts to veer into a ditch because you weren't paying attention you immediately correct, you don't just go into the ditch.
Life is a series of mistakes and slip-ups - you've gotta keep going.

Work last night was better than usual because I finally had another staff to work with! And when there are two staff we do the color-coding system. Which basically means you take responsibility for these three people {showers, meds, pack lunches, etc for solely them} and laundry and I'll take care of these two people and cooking. Or vice versa. So, you balance the load. It's great and the way it's supposed to be.
That's fairly irrelevant to my story though.
Yesterday one of our ladies went to the doctor because one of the staff said she might have an ear infection. I didn't think so at all but whatever, I'm not paying for it, state of Oregon is. So she came back in the middle of my shift and the staff that took her didn't say anything and clocked out. My co-worker spent the rest of the night doin' our thing, enjoyed the lightened work load, and hung out with the ladies. I was in charge of said ear infection lady and I did everything I was supposed to. Her meds were done in order and on time, shower done, teeth brushed, lunch packed, laundry in the washer, everything was right and dandy.
I got off work and went straight home to the Couv, happy for my day off.
My day off started with a 7:30 am text from my boss.
Texts from your boss are either a really good or really bad thing.
Today it was bad.
She asked if I had done ear infection ladies new meds. What new meds?! Apparently after going to the doctor there were new meds prescribed and filled that the staff taking her failed to mention. Yes, she noted it in the MAR and Communication Log, but didn't verbally pass it on. That's really my only defense. Aside from the lack of verbal communication, I have no excuses. I made a mistake.
But not just a mistake, a potentially life-altering one. I mean this isn't just, "oh I forgot to fax in that report, I apologize. Let me take care of that within the hour." This is "oh I forgot to give her the seizure medication and now she's having a seizure and now she's dead. Let me take care of THAT within the hour!" This is about people's lives! The room for error in regards to medication is not nearly as wide as with frickin cleaning or laundry! This is the one category in which I focus majority of my efforts and I still screwed up!
Granted, the medications I missed were just for the supposed ear infection. But it could have been anything. I'm responsible for lives here and I made a big mistake.
At the end of the texting conversation in which I panicked and apologized and freaked out to my boss she said "I'll take care of the missed med paperwork, relax and enjoy your day off."
HA.
Enjoy my day off after that?!
Stadd keeps telling me not to take my work home with me. I try not to. It's easy to leave your work at work when it's just home loans. It's hard to leave your work there when it has wedged its way into your heart.

"   I'll still love you, even when my bones have turned to dust.   "

We watched Wrath of the Titans. Then he started name calling.

"You're a fat liar."
"Stadd.. you just called me a fat liar."
"Yeah, I was trying to use Zeus' triple sword to defeat your judgment pants."
"...what..?"
"Goodnight."

love yourself, honey.

I need to stop looking at my past and thinking 

"what on earth did I do? Why?? What was I thinking? You idiot."

I need to start looking at my past and thinking 

"what did I learn? How have I grown since then? You are better now than you were."

"Hope was a light in her eyes.."

The only thing I want right now is cuddle up to someone that smells good and will wrap their arms around me. In this entire world that is all I desire at this moment.

That and more ice cream because I just finished off this gallon and there aren't any more in the freezer.

"i lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and i was gawky and she was gorgeous and i was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. so i walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, i was drizzle and she was a hurricane."


-John Green


"Looking for Alaska"

"Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?

 Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life 'til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter

Here comes the fighter"

Take a minute, my dear friend, and breathe.
thequietplace

4 Nephi is so sad.

If you're going to stay up till 1:30 in the morning don't accidentally listen to sad songs. If you're like me {hope not} you'll start spiralling. It's not good.

...I'd follow you across the universe...

Bad decisions for the day:

• staying up too late last night {which, unfortunately, I'm doing again right now. Geez girl..}
• eating a pint of ice cream for lunch
• taking the blame for something I didn't do
• not eating dinner
• letting my co-worker come in an hour late and not saying anything
• eating Carl's Junior chili cheese fries, a cheeseburger, and ice cream at midnight {a bad idea regardless of the time}
• sitting here at my computer when I should be in bed
• over-thinking {every day bad decision, not today-specific}
• letting myself be sad over something I shouldn't be sad over
• staying up this late..
• being awake right now...

Bad move, Mackenzie, bad move.

Who was the idiot that came up with the five-second rule?

If life gives you lemons..

Why do people put lemons in water?! Please, tell me! Why?! That is so disgusting and not fancy at all!!! IT TASTES LIKE CRAP STOP DOING IT MY GOSH I HATE YOU!!! Every time I go somewhere and see lemons in the big ole thing of water I have to go thirsty because it makes me gag to drink it! And then I have to go into the bathroom and stick my head under the faucet to keep from dehydration! Lemon-y tinted water is literally one of the worst things ever!!! Why do they put them in there?!?! WHY!?!

My neck hurt so badly!
I need a neck massage. By an attractive man. Mmm. :)

Hey, what are you doing for the next ten minutes?
Nothing, you're on the internet.
So! Try this! And tell me how it goes. :)

Does it count if I'm trying to be a good person?

I just.. I just.. really, really, really love libraries and bookstores.

"I think I've finally had enough.
I think I think too much.
I think this might be it for us.
I think that life's too short for this.
I'll pack my ignorance and bliss.
I think I've had enough of this."

Surprised two of my good girlfriends with flowers at work today.
I decided that if Mondays suck a lot for me then they probably suck for them too. So I'd fix that.
Love those girlies.

"Mackenzie, you know why you like him? Because he's not interested in you. Because you can't have him - you want him. You are a true female. Sad."

:\

"Curtains fall when they will - I will earn my bows."

Let's run away.

Let's go to the place where time doesn't exist and nothing matters.

Let's start driving and never look back.

Let's turn this world upside down and leave it all behind.

Let's run away.

When I think I can't make it through another day of dreary monotony I put my head down, focus on the future, and plow through. It'll be over soon, keep going.

be happy

click it :D

I have so many dreams, so many goals. Life's too short to get it all done!

... challenge accepted. >:)

Live gracefully.

I need to learn to play hard to get rather than wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I'm too innocent to recognize the players from the genuine guys.

I'm too naive to understand when I'm getting used until after the fact.

I know now.

But I know too late.

I'm so sick of this.

One hour left. So close.

"Will you love me, even with my dark side?"

Guilty pleasure song: Fastest Girl In Town by Miranda Lambert
Guilty pleasure artist: Eminem

I'm so bad. c:<

And thus begins the second graveyard of the week.
BRING IT.

I could not love Imagine Dragons more if I tried. <3

Nothin' like watching a little Saturday night football at Hare Field. :)

I wish I could get over the constant, nagging feeling that everyone is using me.

Ready for the quick run down of the last two/three days?!

Here we go!

Thursday I was working alone {which is bad because you're supposed to have two staff anyway, and you shouldn't have the least qualified and experienced staff member doing it!!!} with all five of the ladies. All is going well. Dinner was just getting cleared off the table when one of the ladies walks in the door from an afternoon program she was attending. She walks in and throws up.  Holy crap, okay, I can take care of that. So I'm taking care of that and still trying to clean up dinner when another lady craps herself. That frustrated me but I still took care of it, hosing her down in the shower, scrubbing feces from floors and clothes, and then the first lady throws up again. While all that was happening the lady who cannot have solid foods, only pureed, got into the corn and started shoveling it at alarming rates. Now I'm running between the kitchen to clean up food, the bathroom to clean up poop, and a bedroom cleaning up vomit. After all of this I hear screaming, violent screaming. I go into the fourth ladies room and she's got a migraine and is screaming in pain. I help her out of her room so I can get her pain PRN when she vomits and wets herself.

That's when I decided they were teaming up on me.
I called my boss to let her know what all had happened and she felt so bad she rushed over. She stayed the rest of the evening while I curled into a little ball in the corner and rocked myself back and forth. I attempted to get her to give me Friday evening shift off {since I was scheduled to work evening and grave Friday, sixteen hours}, but alas, I still had to do it. Well, if I had to work that then I was going to need to recharge. After my shift was over I went back home to Hockinson. Even though I didn't sleep much and still had to get back to Hillsboro by three, it was such a relief to be home. And I got to go boating! Stadd's boss had a company boating trip day thing and I got to go. Cue sunburn. I had such a good time and it was the perfect thing to get my mind off work. By the time I left I felt totally ready to tackle a freakin double shift.
I'm not gonna lie, I don't remember much of last nights shift. I remember that my boss stayed until six or seven to help out and that I did some of the ladies' nails.. but that's it. I remember one of the ladies dragged me outside at eight-thirty to go stargazing. And Corbin came by around nine-thirty to keep me company for two hours. That was super, super awesome. And that at two-thirty someone wet the bed. And I slept for a little over an hour... And I cleaned. And wrote in my journal a ton. And I did laundry. And at four someone else wet the bed. Yeah.. I remember being completely dead by the time the morning staff came in. Wow.
I'm still tired.
These past two days have been insanity.

THE SUN IS COMING UP! Blessed day! It comes!

A quick hour and a half nap {superior sanctioned} and we're back on the horse. Three hours left.

I don't like people in my life that waste my time. If you aren't interested in being my friend then stop faking it. Same goes for guys and relationships.

Ten hours down, six to go.

"Over" by Blake Shelton

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

I. Love. It. My. Holy. Heavens.

I get what I want because I fight for it.
Don't give up.

Guess who just came and visited me, in the middle of the night, with cookies, at work.
Corbin.
You heard right!!! Ten points for that awesome surprise!!! :D

Seven hours down, nine to go.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

HOLY CRAP.

That literally tops the list of worst days at work ever.

Oh my gosh.

Details to follow.

It's not pretty.

Know what's nasty?
pureed ham sandwiches. ick.
Two of the ladies have all their food pureed. All of it. That was quite an adjustment. I still gag occasionally.

My supervisors are playing a dangerous game. It's like they're seeing how far they can push me. 30 hours, then 40, then 50. How far until she burns out?

I've always thought that I'm a super, super impatient person. But, no, I'm finding that it's really just some people and situations that I have no patience for.
My mother and sister for example. They can get me just like that. It just takes a word or comment from either of them that sets me off. I kind of felt like that makes me a jerk with little tolerance for them but I think I realized something today. Family is like that. My mom talks about how by the time she moved out she hated her mom. Even to this day she can't handle some of the things her mom does, it'll set her off. Which is exactly how it is for she and I. I hated her by the time I moved out and she still drives me absolutely insane every day. So, maybe it's a mother-daughter thing. Maybe since we're forced to spend eighteen+ years of our lives in such close proximity with these people that our nerves become adjusted to them. We learn to press each others buttons. We learn to become impatient. *shrug* maybe.

Or maybe I'm just an intolerant little jack-hole.

For my parents

It's the first one that grosses me out.

Oh oh oh oh! I have to brag about this really quick.
So, the other day I was hanging out with my group of friends from Hazel Dell. They're all older guys, returned missionaries, super hot. They all work out together all the time so they're super ripped. The guy semi-interested in me, 24, is the rippedidest {not a word} of them all. Anyway, one of the guys, Nate, is hilarious and also pretty dang buff. He's shorter than the rest, probably 5'9, and has a stockier, more football-player-linebacker-destroyer build. We were all tossing a football around and before I could catch it he grabbed me and ran off with me in his arms. I laughed and told him if he put me down then I'd carry him back to the field. He laughed, thinking I was joking, and put me down. I put my arms out and he was like "seriously?" So I smiled and said, "yep!" He jumped into my arms and I carried him. All 200+ pounds. It killed my legs and after a dozen yards or so I gave out but still! I carried him and he was way surprised.
Lesson for ya'll?
Don't underestimate me because I'm little.
I may be 5'2" and mildly petite but I will beat the crap out of you.

I said I had to quit my last job because apparently prostitution isn't "legal". My boss found that very amusing. I need to make more jokes about illegal things.

Here is the ideal day off for me {I've taken to daydreaming about it since I won't get one for another week}. I'd go to bed at midnight watching a movie with my family after work and then wake up at six. But somehow, even though that's only a six hour time span, I'll have gotten a nine hours of sleep. Magic. And then I'll work out and get ready for the day, done by nine! At nine I'll go to the beach with my group of guy friends over in Hazel Dell and they'll be their attractive selves and I'll enjoy myself thoroughly. We'll come back around four and I'll go to dinner with my family. Somewhere along the line I get to sit outside and read for an hour or too. Then my sister and I go shopping with the unlimited cash that we do not have. And I'll eat ice cream all day. I'll go to a concert too and afterward find an attractive, fun man to take me to the fair. I'll watch movies and drive around and take a nap or two. All of this in a twenty four hour day before I go back to work. That's my completely unrealistic dream.

"There's a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive... wormhole refractors...You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold."

-The Doctor

"There are so many beautiful things in this world, so many beautiful people, so much love. Even if this life gets a little cramped and crooked sometimes, it’s all we’ve got y’know? It’s all we’ve got. And there are so many things to love about it. You just have to learn how to see the light. How to make wishes on stars, how to see beauty in broken things, how to love those broken things like they weren’t so hemmed and halved, like they weren’t so fragile and fleeting. Because sometimes those broken things, those forgotten fog-rimmed feelings are the ones that matter most, y’know? I used to wake up before dawn every morning to climb the hill behind my house and watch the sun rise. Watch that little ball of light unfurl and arch across the sky, so brave, so sure, stretchstretchstretching its rosy red fingers towards that sunkissed horizon, sending little tendrils of light streaking across the sky. Because it’s moments like that that make me love this world. Moments like that that leave you so round and full and swollen with light. And yeah, I know being happy is hard. It’s temperamental. It’s exhausting. But you have to do things that scare the hell out of you sometimes. Have to kiss people that might not kiss you back. Have to get your hands a little dirty. Have to build things only to tear them down — only to burn them down and start all over. Think about what it means to change, what it means to start over, what it means to live. What it means to feel your knees buckling beneath the weight of all these beautiful things. Because it’s okay to be lonely. As long as you know that you’re not alone. And let me tell you, from one stranger to another, you are not alone.

I hope one day being happy doesn’t always have to be so hard."

-Mols

"you can sleep when you're dead" has taken on new meaning to me in the midst of my expanding social circle, busy work schedule, and ambitious drive to do crap.

Lee Brice concert.
On my birthday.
At Big Al's in Vancouver.
Best. Thing. Ever.
WHERE CAN I BUY TICKETS?!

Wait.
Summer is almost over..? Summer is almost over.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO D:

me: blah blah blah I am having such a crappy day, it sucks, it sucks, blah blah.
man-friend: That is terrible! I wish I was there to bring you ice cream, a hug and work your shift while you nap!


So, so sweet. :)

Good news: I get the day off of work on my birthday
Bad news: I have to work double shift - 56 hours this week alone
Good news: I got a lot done at work today
Bad news: I set the stove on fire at work today
Good news: No one is dead

Therefore, it was a good day. But only by a small margin.

They offered a double shift for friday so turns out I won't be home friday.. :( no boating for me. :(

This post is directed at me mum, but I'm sure you'd love to read it anyway so be my guest ;)

So, with the advent of my birthday {two weeks, people! two weeks!} I decided it would be wise to instruct you on what to give me. I trust your instincts but here's some help in case you get lost or lazy.

• Colored pens. I need and want pens that are colored. Reds, greens, and oranges are a must have.
• Josh Hutcherson. I want him.
• Nude-colored heels!!! Payless has 'em for like $18 right now.. :)
• Mod Bod shirts and tanks from Costco. Necessity.
• Money. Haha, just kidding.. kinda.. haha..
• New phone. I don't actually need or want this, I'm just throwin' it out there. Why not, right?
• A day off work. My gosh please find a way to make this happen for me.
• Clothes. Always clothes.
• Sheep! Always sheep!
• Cheesecake. This has happened on my birthday for the last several years, don't fail me now.
• Camera cord? New camera? Again, doesn't hurt to ask.

It'd be nice to get all of these things but I suppose I can settle with one or seven. You know what else I'd want, mommy? A date with a hot man. Can you make that happen? No? Gosh dang it, mom.
Love you mommy! I can't wait to go boating with you guys on Friday! Have a great day at "work"!

Running is the worst thing ever.
People shouldn't start texting conversations and then ignore you. That's weird.
Jake brought me dinner last night at work.
I always forget how much I love these shoes until I wear them and fall in love again.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 17

"to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..."

Have you ever looked back on all of the

things you've done,

people you've met,

lives you've changed,

things you've learned,

places you've gone

and thought to yourself

"holy crap,

I live the most amazing life"

my sweet boys

Tonight's topic of discussion is one that I often bring up of late, for the sole reason that it is the only lively part of my life at the moment; men!
There are three-four men in my life that are currently "pursuing" me/have an interest in me/I have an interest in. No, that does not mean I am interested in all three-four, just that amongst the them I may have my preferences {and trust you me, I do}. More specifically, we are going to discuss age.
Because, crap, I'm young.
The men in question are: 19, 21, 22, and 24.
19 ain't so bad since.. I'll be 19 in two weeks {cough cough}. But 21? 22? 24?! Oh my heavens what have I gotten myself into. It's not so weird on my end, but when you think that they're looking at a chick {me} that is so-and-so much younger than them {who on earth looks at girls five years younger and thinks "dang, I'd like to date her"??!! That is CRADLE ROBBING.}
Oddly enough I think the 22 year-old has the maturity level the 19 year-old should have. And while the 24 year-old is definitely the most fantastically, amazingly good-looking hunk of manly man alive, he has nowhere near the personality that 21 does. Even though they're five years apart, 24 seems so old and 19 so young. 24 owns two homes, runs a business, and has more ambition than .. anyone. 22 has nothing, two jobs, and the spirit of some wild, crazy horse. But, in dissecting the age of all of these guys I've come across a key thing.
Age doesn't really matter. *shrug*