Merry Christmas from my super family to yours

Finals are over.

I'm in boise.

I'm going home tomorrow.

Made me cry because it's true

Musings at 2 AM

It's finals week so screw it, I'm staying awake.

Okay, if someone is sitting alone in a large meeting (say, for instance, Relief Society), what do you do? Because most LDS women have the initial reaction of "I must fellowship!!!"

Let me reiterate my opinion on this because no one is hearing my cyber-pleas (the four of you who read this better be practicing this correctly).

IT IS OKAY TO SIT ALONE. Some people don't want to be talked to or sat with!! And that is OK! Some people are just that introverted! It stresses the CUH-RAP out of me when someone I do not know sits next to me and tries to talk. Holy goodness I hate it. At that point in time your attempt to "fellowship" has actually made me want to get up and leave.

That being said.

I know those kindhearted fellowshippers have no way of knowing which of those sitting alone are actually in need of fellowship or are (like myself) so introverted that sitting alone is more of a pleasant treat than a sign of depression. The fellowshippers have no way of knowing that. So I keep my annoyance to myself and try to appreciate their efforts and good intentions.

But, I find it extraordinarily painful and just plain rude when I get this response.

*me sitting alone*

*approached by another woman*

other woman: Oh you poor thing, sitting all alone! Do you mind if I sit with you so you're not by yourself??"

Ahem.

First of all, being alone is not bad, *blah blah blah* my usual tirade. Second, and more importantly, I do not appreciate your PITY. Your "poor-thing" attitude has made me feel like a complete loser on top of being stressed that you're invading my space. If you were attempting to fellowship by sitting with me you've totally lost your chance because you just insulted me by commenting on how alone I am. I like being alone, and I don't think it's bad, but when I get your condescending attitude about it - that makes me feel bad. Just like the way single people don't appreciate the whole "you're single?!? oh man, well we have got to change that you poor thing!"     Yes, thank you for assuming I'm not okay and perfectly satisfied with the state I am in.

In other news. I forgot my sisters birthday yesterday. First time ever. In my defense I remembered at midnight, eleven her time. Soooo it was kinda still her birthday right?

Also, my Dad is nuts.

Mm, dress shopping is a pain. I didn't find that experience the least bit enjoyable. Except that I felt like a babe. Because let's face it, I have a great body and confidence in that, finally. I've worked hard to get to a point that I like the way I look. I'm happy with this figure of mine. But dress shopping still sucks.

Maaaaaan I should probably sleep :/ FINALS ARE SO LAME. SCHOOL IS SO LAME.

Night :)

The weather is making my lips crack and bleed. This is not terribly pleasant.

Christmas-y time!

We (he) decorated my apartments tree tonight!

Photo one: He knocked the tree over with his belly.

Photo two: super seductive with those there beads.

Photo three: He thought his tattoo sleeve was awesome.

Photo four: I love this little cutie pie.

The going is getting tough

Today was.. Not enjoyable.

Today was one of the occasional days in which I desperately want to go home.

I always looked forward to leaving and the opportunity it brought to make a new person and a life for myself. 

But today I really wanted to get away, leave all this behind, all of it, and get back to my roots.

Although my family drives me crazy (like every other family relationship anyone has ever had ever), they bring me back and remind me who I am - and who I don't want to be.

I would love to run away from the battles I face here and run run run all the way back home.

Let's take a second to understand how stressed I am.
I AM SO STRESSED.
In 15 days this will be over. Just in time for a whole new set of stresses to set in.

Five months from THIS MOMENT I will be in the temple with my sweetheart.

InCREDIBLE article.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/11/the-real-truth-about-boring-men-and-the-women-who-live-with-them-redefining-boring/

Temple is booked for May 2nd at 11:00 am!!!!!! EEEEEEEEE! :D

I think zucchini I delicious and also scary because it cuts so easily. Like butter. Weird.

This wedding is going to kill me. And it's only 3 days into my engagement. $5000 budget for the biggest day of my life and everything costs at least 1K. Great.

My New Obsession

I get to marry my best friend.

Saturday. Best day ever.

So, the football game was super freaking cold. It snowed and rained and I thought I was going to get hypothermia in every part of my body. It was still fun though!

In other news,

I got engaged.

Yessiree, I got myself a fiance now!!
Story to follow shortly.

Not saying I wanna get engaged or anything.. But, ya know.. This is pretty cute.. And I can't wait for my proposal!!!

Mormon Marriage

Yes, I realize that my last three or four posts have been about Chris. So now for something moderately different! Or at least something that isn't directly about him.

My manager this last summer, a very worldly young woman, was a sweetheart. Lots of fun and a chatty little Kathy, I enjoyed talking to her about her life. I got to hear about her boy drama, her baby daddy drama, and her work drama. I heard stories about parties and late nights and her son. She told me all about her crazy younger days {drugs, sex, alcohol} and her regrets following them. We talked a bit about my beliefs and the absolute dichotomy that our lives were. She was the stereotypical 21st century 20-something year old with the "live fast, die young" attitude. And, as we know, I'm the stereotypical early 20's "goody-two-shoes" with strict moral standards and high intelligence {please, for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, do not confuse "goody-two-shoes" with "no personality". I don't know why this connotation exists but it is not correct and drives me up a freaking wall. There is no correlation between making good decisions and being a boring human. If you disagree, please, feel free to enlighten me}. Needless to say, it made for some interesting and insightful discussions.

One of the funniest conversations we ever had {from my point of view} was the one in which she asked about the Word of Wisdom. I explained to her what we as a Mormons try to avoid eating, drinking, and doing to our bodies, and why. She mused on it for a while, said it made sense, and then asked as if it were the most normal and logical question, "so, if you don't drink.. what do you do for fun?"

Really?

Unfortunately, she mistook my delay in response time and look of disbelief for an inability to think of what I do for fun. "Oh my gosh, she's right, since I don't drink, I don't have fun. My whole life has been so boring!" In reality though I was just puzzled that she thought that without alcohol "fun" wasn't possible. Well I don't know what kind of "fun" she is having but I consider my life quite enjoyable.

What I do for fun without alcohol? I build relationships! I learn things {yes, it can be fun, shut up Kaila}! I play games! I play sports! I rock climb! I go to museums and art shows and plays and concerts! I bake and cook and look up new recipes and experiment! I volunteer! I watch movies! I talk to friends and meet people and get to know people! I kiss and cuddle my boyfriend! I garden! I take walks and go on hikes and drive and enjoy nature! I go to dances! I do nice things for my boyfriend and spend time with him! I go on dates and get dessert, not wasted! I make choices with a clear mind and conscience, without my decisions being hampered by inebriation. I wake up in the morning feeling healthy, alive, and with full memory of what happened the night before. I treat my body right because it doesn't need or deserve those toxins in it after all it does for me.

Man, what do I do for fun? I live!

But, I digress. What I wanted to discuss was another question she had for me. One that also had me stumped.

During the time that we worked together I was dating Chris. Talking about our relationship and boys in general eventually led her to make this remark:

"I went to high school with a Mormon kid who got married when he was 21, after he went on one of your mission trips. I couldn't believe it! It was so soon! He was so young! But I've noticed that so many Mormons do that. Why do you all get married so young? And so fast??"

After fumbling around for a moment or two I realized I was stumped. Truly. "Uh, it's just what we do" seemed like a tacky answer and "we can't have sex until marriage and don't want to wait" also seemed tacky and mildly inappropriate. These were the answers I came up with after thinking for a week or two:

• Families are the most important building blocks of society and we are a very family-centered religion. We promote everyone having their own family because it is the most important part of this life.
• Society is so individual-oriented but we don't believe that is how God intended it. We believe the utmost happiness attainable in this life is through families and the Gospel of Christ.
• We believe in the Law of Chastity and that intimacy is sacred between husband and wife. Unfortunately this is a very hard commandment to follow and we end up marrying earlier because it is such a difficult temptation.

Man, I came up with so many answers and they were all as flimsy as these. Sure, I believe them and I believe they are true, but they don't stand up to an argument, you know? I probably should have just asked someone older and wiser than me for advice {if you have a better answer, please, please let me know! I'd love to add some clarity to my answers}. But I didn't and the summer passed and I never gave my boss a good answer.

After much deliberation and a profound learning experience I finally have an answer for her that I feel peace with. And so, if she, or anyone else, were ever to ask me the question of "why do you get married so early and so fast?" again, I would say:

Why not.

What is it about marriage that the world today so detests? My uncle and my father both have warned that before marriage one needs to go out and explore the world, get experiences, date lots of people, find yourself. Okay, why can't I explore the world with my spouse? Heavens, exploring with my best friend actually sounds more fun than going alone! Why can't I gain experiences with my spouse? Marriage is about learning and growing together! And goodness, being married to someone does not mean you will not be able to do or learn or grow on your own ever again. You still have your own brain. What does dating a ton of people provide me with? Yes, I do need to date around to know what my type is and what I'm looking for in a man. But don't confuse that with looking around for the "perfect" man. Your relationship will never be perfect. He will never be perfect. You need to find someone you're a good match for and is a good match for you. Once you do, why look any further? Could there be someone better out there? Sure. The grass is always greener on the other side. But don't waste your life away looking for perfection when you have something that will make you incredibly happy with a little work right here. And as far as finding yourself, you can grow together. No, do not lose yourself in your spouse and their happiness, but you can become the best you with the assistance of someone who loves you more than any other person on this earth.

Is it the financial concerns? Because yes, I've had those concerns too, I can understand those. I want a beautiful wedding without having to stress about where the money comes from. I want to own a home when I get married. I don't want to give each other Dollar Store gifts for Christmas. Ever. That does not sound enjoyable to me. But, marriage and life will always bring trials and trials will bring the two of you closer together - financial worries are just another trial. Besides, why are all trying to grow up so fast? College means you're only young and poor once {horrible generalization but still - it's the ideal for college students right? Suffer through college on Ramen and bask on your chaise on the beach eating caviar someday} so enjoy it! Enjoy it with your best friend!

Is it kids? Is that what is making us afraid of marriage? Okay, birth control. Let's be real here, kids are not a reason to avoid marriage, or a reason to get married.

Are we so afraid of commitment that we won't even try, is that it? If so, a great ill has taken hold of our world and we need to do our best to rid ourselves of it. Imagine if we all stopped making and keeping commitments. Our world would fall apart. Honestly, our society would grind to a screeching halt into the dust of selfishness and fear. I don't want to do this because it's scary so I don't have to. Grow a backbone. Life is scary. Marriage is important and good! You love this person. So go for it. Divorce has almost made it too easy to make shallow or fake commitments. Dive in and don't give up! Or is it because of the hippy movement ideal of "share the love", in regards to physical love? If the fear of commitment towards marriage comes from not wanting to be tied down... please see how selfish that is. Besides, as my sweet boyfriend said "marriage isn't being tied down. It's starting a life-long adventure with your best friend. Besides, doesn't the bachelor life sound lonely?" When you're 45 and living alone {as my dad is, so I speak from experience} I can almost guarantee if you haven't already felt lonely, you will. If the fear of commitment towards marriage comes from wanting to be able to sleep around... well, that is a completely different argument regarding sex outside of marriage. All I can say for that is, do you really feel satisfied when you have a different partner every week? Is that what's important to you in life? Have you considered how shallow your life is? You are living far below your potential if you live only for sexual pleasure.

So, really, my answer to her is why not? What are we really losing by gaining a spouse 20-some years into life? Why is marriage so taboo?

That's why we get married comparatively early. And it is not a bad thing.

Gross People Who Cuddle All the Time

Some adorable cuddling photos for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy.

Don't be too jealous.

My cute boy

Month-iversary

Here's to seven months with the guy of my dreams!

I love you honey. You make my life so much brighter.

And to seven more! And seven more after that! Forever!

Love you :)

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Want want want. I'm a spoiled brat.

Things I want: 

A massive shopping spree. Seriously I need some retail therapy.

An AM crunchwrap from Taco Bell. That crap is good.

To be married to my honey so I don't have to say goodbye every night any more.

My week in review

Chemistry magic show with my goofball.

Halloween costume shopping with this nerd.

Halloween party with his unphotogenic dude.

One of my favorite places to be on a sunday

Days Without Incident: 0

I'm so grateful to be dating a guy who is really good to me and for me.

Chris and I go on some of the BEST and most creative provo dates. Need an idea? I will hook you up.

For cereal.

Oh my gosh body, 

SORRY FOR NOT BEING PREGNANT,

now stop freakin out.

Sometimes my boyfriend makes me laugh so hard it gives me a headache.

I have a headache :(

Rainy days are good because I find out which shoes have holes in the bottom.

Two pairs down, seven to go.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hjjq9urbMog&feature=youtube_gdata_player&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dhjjq9urbMog%26feature%3Dyoutube_gdata_player

It's uncanny, Alex's timing. Popping back into my life at the worst possible moment.

All I want to do is forget him.

Date Me

I want you all to know that Chris and I go on some of the most creative and cute dates. I ought to make a blog dedicated to it so all you bored-in-Provo couples can gain some inspiration.

Here was last nights date.

The planetarium on byu campus offers shows every Friday night for two bucks a pop. And if you happen to know someone in the astronomy department (Emily!) you might just get to go on the roof and use the big old telescopes. Dessert is always a good idea next and provo is the best for dessert! There's ice cream, frozen yogurt, cupcake shops, crepe places.. You name it! But my favorite idea is making dessert together. Go to the grocery store, pick up some ingredients, and see how well the other cooks. For us, this was a double date, so after dessert we played Phase Ten. I think board games are such fun for dates. Love it!

'Twas a fun date and I'd highly recommend it to get you out of the rut of "dinner and a movie".

"Hold on, I'm checking Pinterest."

"On come here, I like looking at your Pinterest with you! ... It got good stuff on there.. Like food... "

Uh huh.

Try to save yourself why don't ya.

I'm so glad someone finally owned Justin Bieber. Even if it was staged.
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2013/09/zach-galifianakis-says-everything-adults-have-been-wanting-say-justin-bieber/69907/

Jenny's engaged.

Jessica's engaged.

Savannah's engaged.

All getting married this winter. All twenty years old.

I don't feel old enough for this weirdness.

Freakin classic

That Time We Went On a Date

And my pictures came out like this

Haha heavens

Alma 34:41

But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.

Keep the firm hope - one day everything will all be better :)

Tuesday

Yesterday my honey took me on the cutest date.

I'm kind of an artsy, touchy-feely person. I love trying new things and going out and living. Darling Chris knows this about me. So after class he picked me up and took me to...

An interactive light art gallery.

Haha, right? So unique and different! It was an art gallery with paintings and photographs exploring using light in different mediums. And then it had a bunch of scientific-like exhibits regarding the science behind light. SO COOL! Ah, the joys of dating a science nerd like unto myself.

He then took me back to his apartment and made me cinnamon rolls because when my body started getting all hormonal the day before I had been craving them and he remembered.

Now here's the most touching part.

{Albeit, you may think it gross, I think it adorable.}

We sat on the couch doing some homework. I was having some awful cramps and was congested to the point of it being unbearable. He asked if he could do anything but as I'd already taken medicine there wasn't much for him to do. Chris then proceeded to pick up one of my little socked feet and rub it. 

He gave me a foot massage. 

Did you hear that?!? This young man gave me a freakin foot massage without my even asking. It felt so good and I felt so in love and I almost started crying it was so sweet.

Moral of the story: if you find a man who will spontaneously rub your feet to make you feel better - steal him and lock him away.

Of all the difficult choices I've ever made, letting go of someone who has ruled my heart for so long ranks among the toughest of them.

Got to see the family Saturday

As they drove through Utah from Arizona back home :)

Back in Provo with my honey :)

I've reached a point in my educational career when professors occasionally answer my questions with "I don't really know".
Partly because I'm a science major. Partly because they really just don't know.

Ohhh gosh.

Welcome to Provo. Where my first instinct is to flirt and now I can't.. :p

Week one of the camping/hiking/geology extravaganza done.

Now for a breather before week two.

Jenny

Two years ago I met a girl whose friendship changed my world.

Tonight you have the privilege to meet her. 

I met Jenny one night on Helaman Fields and instantly fell in love with her sweetness and genuine friendship. Jenny has seen me through the hardest of what college has had to offer and the best of what life has given me. And I've watched and helped her struggle through her hardships and eagerly squealed when her good times came. Even when we'd go weeks without seeing each other when we were back together it was as if no time had passed. 

I've respected her from the moment I met her.

Beyond her dazzling smile, she has a dazzling heart. She's driven and intelligent and independent. But also loving and caring and intuitive. Jenny listened to every dull and rambling story I've ever told with pleasure. She has shown me what it is to find yourself and be yourself. She's not afraid to enjoy life's little moments, push herself to the edge of the comfort zone and beyond, and do things for the sake of wanting to do them.

Jenny is one of my best friends and an absolute inspiration.

I love you Jenny!

Congratulations on being engaged. I can't wait to be your bridesmaid.

So close to being done. Less than one week left!

Face Outwards

http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2013/08/03/208647989/how-to-fall-forever-into-the-night-sky?utm_source=npr&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=20130805

I long to be apart of the stars

10 days before I leave

BWAHAHAHAHA

It's so late and this video is so awesome I can't even describe it in words

Tired.

Epic video.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Of2HU3LGdbo&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_embedded%26v%3DOf2HU3LGdbo

herpy burfday!

The Boyfriend gave me three things for my birthday {which by the way was a week ago - I am now a week and 20 years old}

1. His presence. He drove into town to see me :) It was so lovely spending the weekend with him and his brother. He took me to dinner for my birthday and it was quite nice!
2. A beautiful locket with our picture in it for me to keep close to my heart when I go on my trip at the end of the summer.
3. A key to his car. :D Haha, this one would probably be silly to an onlooker, but it means so much to the both of us. It's the start of our process to join our lives together. What's his is mine. Ours.

And my parents got me exactly what I asked for!!! A mummy sleeping bag and an epic tent! I got my own tent! When I set it up and got in I had this huge swell of pride and almost started crying from excitement. I HAVE A TENT AND SLEEPING BAG. Even if I'm homeless I will have a home. So excited!!

I think we should be more respectful of each other.

Simple, I know.

But I really think so.

"Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive."

- The Merciful Obtain Mercy

"When it's all said and done..

will you have said more 

than you have done?"

..a new school year..

Curious as to how I'm going to afford life this next year.

• tuition
• rent
• books
• food
• new laptop
• gas
• wedding
• ..
• ...
• other stuff

I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life. I'm ready to move past the life I used to live.

REPIN ALL THE THINGS

No big deal or anything.
But I'm a Pinterest celebrity.
Repin me, I dare you.
2497 other people already have.

Alma 37:45

"The words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise."

YEAH

"Blessings" by Laura Story
such an incredible song

Long distance relationships are so hard.
So so hard.
Some days I feel like I can't do it any longer and would rather give up than keep pushing through the pain and heartache that being apart brings.
But I am so in love with this boy. I can't give up.

I don't cook for people.
cook with people? Yes. Pretend I can't cook so the poor quality is justified? Yes. Pretend I can't cook so I don't have to? Yes.

What made me laugh today